Image via Complex Original
Celebrities—they fuck up just like we sometimes do! Even with a gang of stylists and entourages that are supposed to have the A-lister's best interests in mind, the impulse to be a yes man must be overwhelming if we have Justin Bieber strutting around town with the most struggle teenager dirt stash of all time (even though your boy just turned 20). If Lil Za won't say anything, then fuck it, we will. Of all the L's taken this year, dodge the easiest one and shave your face broski. Learn from your fellow peers who were once (and for some, still are) in this facial hair world as well. Read on for a recent history of the Most Outrageous Celebrity Facial Hair Fails.
Brad Pitt
Jesus Christ, this is what happens when you lock up the hottest chick in the game. Complete reckless abandon. It's cool that your boy is out here embracing this distinguished older gentlemen lifestyle but, not like this, dog. It looks like the Krakken is forming at the tail end of that...thing. Or like he's in the beginning stages of channeling John Travolta in Battlefield Earth, which no one should ever do, ever. His recent trend-hopping of the Macklemore cut is much better, Mr. Me Too notwithstanding.
Vince Vaughn
This was circa 2003 and thus the blame almost definitely lies with V.V.'s role in Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson's harmless but forgettable Starsky & Hutch remake, which was chock-a-block with super '70s hair. But unless this was mid-filming then damn dude, the pardoning stops there. A good comedian does anything for the role and the laugh, but if it were us we would've shaved that handlebar struggle off as soon as Todd Phillips yelled "That's a wrap!" And if that wasn't the case then at least stay inside until it's over.
Justin Bieber
It's been a rough year for the kid and this is the type of slander layup that he can't just hand over to the non-Beliebers so nonchalantly. We all remember those days when we were happy to show off that we could grow something, anything. Meanwhile your boy is clearly trying to find that Future Sex/ Love Sounds ascension cheat code, but not like this, JB. Don't let those Instagram comments fool you; this is a straight dirt stash classic that's inexcusable post-teenage years. Sometimes it's good to surround yourself with naysayers, if only to prevent things like this from happening.
Rick Ross
In this case, the fail was in having no facial hair. In the wayward days before Ricky realized the secret to his success was in unplugging the razor, he was basically babyfaced, and the visage is unsettling. Is that a smooth face befitting of a bawse? This proves that, much like Sampson, Rozay's true power lies in the follicles.
Matthew Broderick
Just when you thought Matthew couldn't be any more representative of the Normcore trappings of adulthood—this guy played Ferris Bueller for Christ's sake!—he goes and grows this suburban pedophile piece of rat fur. Until the homie gets cast in that very role or something similar in some winter movie season Oscar bait, he'll rest on the herb list.
Michael Cera
LOL, c'mon b, stop fronting like we don't all know you stole that rug from the prop department.
RiFF RAFF
We respect Jody's fearless commitment to his personal sense of style, but that obviously doesn't mean blanket thumbs up for all of his antics. There's just no tip toe wing around the fact that this Versace zigzag beard is a complete fail. RiFF looks like he's trying to play Nokia snake on his face or something. Props to the barber that actually pulled this insane request off, though.
Channing Tatum
Channing's out here becoming a real #thespian before our very eyes, which means he's not beholden to deploying thirst traps to keep a mainly female fanbase happy. Seriously ladies, prepare yourselves, because it's only a matter of time before he doughs up for a role like Clooney. We're not sure if this struggle 'stache was for the sake of the screen or he just forgot to shave for like five weeks, but, our two cents? Stay on that smooth-faced (pause) wave perfect for infiltrating high schools and college, breh.
Joaquin Phoenix
Simply put: if your facial hair is wild enough that it can serve as the main prop in trolling the world and convincing everyone that you've lost your mind, then never ever miss that barber appointment, b.
Mel Gibson
It's hard to decide which Mel-face phase was worse: that time he swagger-jacked Colonel Sanders or when he let it all connect to go full on-Lucifer. Actually, it's very easy: this devil-beard is completely insane. The beard matched the behavior perfectly.
Lil Wayne
Wayne really doesn't give a fuck. Nine out of ten times he's dressed horribly, with a few regrettable tattoos and piercings to match. And then there's this Mr. Tumnus soul patch he's been rocking for at least the last few years with reckless abandon. But he's also rumored to be smashing Christina Milian which would make her approximately the 57th goddess he's been with in his lifetime, so what do we know, really?
Drew Gooden
This is Brad Pitt but without the lost middle-aged man pardon. Of all NBA fails, we'll take a million more post-game conferences of All-Stars in candy crush polos if it means never seeing a nightmare like this again. There's so many tentacles and extensions that it looks like your boy taped a glove to his chin. Worst part is you know a handful of NBA groupies had to pretend like they were into it.
Howie Mandel
This poor guy's so desperate to have hair somewhere—anywhere—on his dome that he really settled for this gross welcome mat. Then again, he might look like a completely hairless sci-fi villain by forgoing the patch, so whatever works for you, Howard.
Guy Fieri
Honestly, look at this man's hair. Did you expect the beard to be any less wild for the night? Flame on, Fieri, you goddamn legend.