The 10 Best Household Items To Throw At Your Opponent During Your Next WorldStar Fight

The new viral craze is, of course, throwing household objects at another person's head during a fight. Folks have put down their fists and picked up shovels and scooters and other common items they have lying around their homes. These videos combines all the things that people love: objects being thrown at heads and heads being hit by objects. No one who watches one of these video is particularly concerned with the well-being of the victim who just had their occipital lobe caved in because they’re too busy hooting and hollering and running around in excitement. And why should they show a sliver of empathy? Or, hell, even sympathy? It's not them getting smacked in the face with something, so who gives a shit? It's a dog eat dog world and if one dog arms itself with a quasi-weapon, then too bad for the other dog. The unarmed dog should have ran away as soon as they heard some observing, third party instigator yell, "WORLDSTAR!" so that's on them. They had to have known what was coming. They deserve the brain damage. They deserve the consequences. Anyway, here are ten household objects you should use if you ever find yourself in the middle of one of those viral YouTube-WorldStar-VideoBox-GloboVid-UniverseVideo-Vineomatic-InstaPicture altercations.

Brendan O'Hare is attempting to be a writer and comedian while living in NYC. Follow his comedy jokes on Twitter here.

A Plate

A plate can be used to overhead smash or be thrown like a frisbee. If I watched a video where someone threw a plate like a frisbee and it hit someone in the head, I would drop the sarcastic cynicism from the intro and watch that video a hundred times, screaming and yelling, "OH MY!" every single time. I mean, I'd have no heart if I didn't.

A Blanket

Sure, a blanket may not seem dangerous enough at first. For example, it's soft. But hear me out, throw it at your opponent REALLY FUCKING HARD. Not, like, kind of hard. But, like, REALLY. FUCKING. HARD. In fact, throw it as hard as you can. If you're fighting on a cliff and your enemy is already near the edge, it might be able to knock them to their death as long as you also throw something else that's harder at them too.

A Couch

Can you lift a couch? If so, use it! Couches are heavy and will probably momentarily halt your opponent. Make sure you can lift a couch, otherwise you'll look like someone who can’t lift up a couch.

A Gun

Does your dad have a gun in his special box under his bed? Yeah? Grab that bad boy! Use it in your next fight, and throw it at your opponent's head.

A Book

Worst case scenario, your opponent catches the book, develops a love for reading, decides to go back to school, enrolls in medical school, becomes a top radiologist in your region, you get cancer and are forced to go to him or her and he intentionally messes up your chemo as payback for throwing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban at his head. That's the worst possible thing that could happen. So, just do it!

A Smaller Person

Show your little brother or sister than they are important to you by using them as a weapon against someone who is trying to hurt you. Do you realize how many viral views that would get? Easily a couple hundred, assuming you have properly branded yourself prior to posting the video online. Before you throw a younger sibling or even a baby, make sure that you've built up a steady Twitter following to tweet the link out to, in hopes that they'll retweet it and pass it on to their own followers. That part is crucial. Only then should you throw a sibling, but definitely not before. Honestly, this piece of advice pretty much applies to this entire list.

A High School Diploma

Finally, a chance to put your high school diploma to good use! Chuck your most basic achievement right at some dumb schmuck's cabeza!

Garbage

If you don't have a lot of household objects because you're poor or whatever, a good potential item for you to throw is garbage because everyone, even poor people, has garbage. Even if you don't have a garbage can, you probably have a bunch of garbage piles strewn about because everyone eats frozen pizza and those come in cardboard boxes. Throw that cardboard! It probably won’t do anything, but at least you'll be getting rid of all that garbage.

A Knife

This one seems obvious, right? It would probably do some serious damage. The only problem I can find is, I feel like posting a video of you whipping a knife into someones forehead could probably get you arrested. So maybe just use a plastic knife. That won't really do anything, though, now that I think about it. Shit, I don't know. I guess you should use a real knife, but just make sure you're careful.

A Pie

You're already acting like a cartoon character by getting into a fight with a fellow human being over something that's probably completely meaningless, so why not just go full cartoon and hit someone in the face with a pie? Exactly.