The 10 Struggles of Being a Health Goth

Image via Complex Original

Workout gear as of late has taken a turn towards the bright and eye-catching neon colors of electric green, royal blues, and safety orange. FOH if you think a health goth cops gear in anything but colorless monochrome. Fortunately, Nike and Adidas' logos are in simple black-and-white, and each brand has plenty of options in that color scheme. But you can bet that there's no way any respectable health goth is going anywhere near a Lululemon.

According to science, this is true, and when has science ever been wrong?  Put simply, endorphins are chemicals that your body's central nervous system that make you feel happy or euphoric. As you work out, you're essentially starving your cells of necessary oxygen (which sounds goth in itself), and your body needs to provide a natural painkiller. To counter this physical stress, your body compensates by releasing these endorphins. This is also commonly known as "runner's high."

However, for a type of person who embodies both an addiction to working out and feeling miserable, this feeling of happiness is an obvious conflict of interest.

Rick Owens is not only a goth fashion idol with his flowy runway collections, but if you haven't noticed, he's also ripped. Health goths are just as much about the pain as they are the gain, and for all the muscle mass they've attained, the more pain they've proven they can take.

Most people prefer gyms where the staff are knowledgeable, helpful, and most of all, friendly and approachable. For the health goth, being approached by anything that resembles kindness is counterintuitive to the core. Besides, you don't want to be bothered while you bang out reps until your muscles are shaking and you're experiencing complete physical and emotional suffering.

Layers are crucial to the street goth subculture, and for the health goth, this is no exception. Aside from long tops, hoodies, and face masks, a full on gym look isn't completed with at least two top layers, compression bottoms, and a headpiece. Put even simpler, a guy in two bottom layers is considered to be basic by the Health Goth online community. More layers means more money, more trapped body heat, and more weight to lug around during crossfit intervals.

Traditional goths are known for their love of leather and heavy, binding fabrics. The health goth takes this one step further, adding fitness fabrics like neoprene or layered nylon spandex to their rotation of clothing. The general apparel aesthetics of a health goth's closet combines fitness practicality with a sci-fi, '80s-anime futurism. If the clothing is somehow simultaneously easy and difficult to work out in, it's definitely in a health goth's rotation.

Health goths and cyberpunks make take inspirations from synthetic materials, '80s anime, and tactical armor, but it is important to note that they are not one in the same. Cyberpunks are a combination of “high technology and low life,” often taking place in a setting that is near future, or could conceivably be called the near future. Modern technology is stretched slightly beyond its present limit, often in the form of artificial limbs, hacking, or large cybernetic cities with widespread computer culture.

A health goth may possess the technology of performance materials, or idolize cybernetic limbs that would increase physical performance in the gym, but ultimately a “health goth” is more of a fused combination of a street goth (in their choice of streetwear and athletic clothing in monochromatics) and a cyberpunk (with their choice of futuristic fabrics and advanced fitness technology). Plus the feels of a goth. Mix up a health goth with some other incredibly-niche genre, and you're about to have one even sadder sad boy on your hands.

Not many fruits found in your local smoothie sport are straight-up black (and no, the dark indigo of blackcurrant doesn't count). While healthy smoothies are traditionally a part of a post-workout recharge, you're not going to find a colorful jamba juice cup in the hands of health goths. If you're interested in refueling like a health goth, we recommend a blend of BLK water, squid ink, and soy sauce, and the requisite shit ton of Creatine supplement.

Gyms are host to an uplifting, empowering environment. The music blaring on your local fitness center's loudspeakers is likely a blend of classic rock, EDM remixes of Beyoncé, and top 40 pop hits. This is hardly motivating to the ears of the brooding health goth. If you want to emulate the street goth on the gym floor, thump the Yung Lean as you crank up the speed on the treadmill. 

While Beelzebub and a 10 beats per minute heart rate are the only things you bend the knee to, even you cannot forcibly remove yourself from a wack gym membership. No matter how many glares you give the staff, or how many prayers you say at your makeshift altar, you're not getting out of your contract until the 12-month period is over and you follow the insane process to remove yourself from the shady binding contract.