I'm sick, fam. I can't bear the sight of these $1,875 gold leaf high-tops. I'm actually having a visceral reaction to these. Like, I really need to throw up, but I can't. That's when you know you're actually sick, not just way too hammered and need to expunge the poison to make room for more. Seriously, Church Boutique in West Hollywood really put out a pair of these disgustingly gauche, almost $2,000 "sneakers." I'm really not sure we can even call them sneakers though. Straight up, they look like paper maché models from an elementary school art class. But I imagine these weigh a solid six pounds each and leave a trail of gold flakes wherever you walk. On face value alone that sounds like such a god level flex, but you won't be so happy at the end of a one mile walk when none of the gold stays on and you just have a pair of regular, gross sneakers leftover. That's two grand right down the drain. You'll be like those sad guys sweeping sidewalk cracks for treasure to get your guap back. If you haven't purged all of your insides already, take a look around the rest of Church's selection and I'm sure you can easily find your own version of ipecac that will help. For those of you more modest in your footwear stuntage, there is a silver pair too. BUT THEY'RE THE SAME PRICE?! HOW DOES THAT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE?!