Do you have a problem when it comes to buying clothes? It's hard to admit to yourself that you're a barely functioning jawnz addict. And believe me, I know. It took several years of denial and overdue credit card bills before I even began to even realize that there might be a problem. People were always all up in my business, asking me in accusatory tones, "You got another new shirt?" To which I always responded in a rash manner, "FUCK YOU. NO I DIDN'T. CAN I LIVE?"

These days, I acknowledge I have a problem. And it's BAD. But if I keep it together at work and do a good job hiding my addiction, like any other addict, I can still lead a fairly productive life. Sure, I can't always afford my cable bill, but I'm still draped in rare hemlines and my loved ones are foolishly led to believe that I've cut back on the shopping. How did I accomplish this feat of having my poncho and wearing it too? I've learned how to effectively lie to everyone in my life about my clothing addiction. Follow these instructions and soon you will too.