Roberto Cavalli is opening up a restaurant in Miami, and merely entering might cause you to OD on tackiness/cocaine. Slated for a New Year's Eve launch, the restaurant is meant to "show his intimate private life, a very warm and welcoming design, reminiscent of his villa in Tuscany." Yes, Roberto Cavalli poops while surrounded by leopard print.

There are portraits of the half-man half-lizard on the wall, a bowl of sensually ripe fruit standing freely in the room to remind everyone about the pending Greek orgy, and a shadowy figure lurking in one of the bathrooms. Oh, and books. (Little secret: Roberto Cavalli never learned how to read.) The giant flowers on the walls and tableclothes are meant to evoke vaginas, ostensibly to make women comfortable enough around the Italian designer so that they forget to keep their drinks covered, and also forget that Cavalli hates the way they dress.

If you're in the 305 for New Year's Eve, you can opt into one of the "lavish packages" that range from $3,000 to $10,000. Of course, this doesn't include having dinner at one of the night's two seatings, where you can enjoy "tweaked takes on tradition [sic] Tuscan fare." Trust us, the emphasis will definitely be on "tweaked." Assuming you survive the evening, in which Cavalli himself will be making an appearance, be sure to let us know how the "crab sauce" from the primi course tastes.