I wore hats for basically my entire childhood, caps specifically—I'm not about to try and convince you guys, through a series of elaborate lies, that as a seven-year-old I was stunting in a rabbit skin trilby, though I did pick up an ill Indiana Jones replica joint after a family trip to Universal Studios. Did any of you guys ever see the live Indiana Jones show they used to put on with big ass explosions and shit? Maybe they still do it. If so, you need to get on that because it was mind blowing. As I grew up I began to realize that I had a really fucking small head (thanks for nothing mom and dad) and hats only made my unfortunate cranial disfigurement more apparent. I probably haven't worn a single hat in, I don't know, something like 13 years. But it's all good since I think most dudes look like big stupid idiots when they wear hats. However, on a day like today when I come across some truly awesome hats, like these new Ebbets Field Flannels, I can't help but sigh and wonder what my life would be like if I had a normal sized noggin. Then I go into the bathroom on my lunch break and cut myself.

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