Image via Complex Original
There are tons of laws regarding driving in the US; so many that on any drive you take you're probably breaking at least one of them. Following these is a good start, but there are also a lot of other unwritten rules that make up the overarching social contract involved in driving. Most of them boil down to common sense and not being a douchebag, but we figured as a service to the public we'd spell it out.
These are The 20 Most Important Unwritten Rules of the Road.
Move your car away from the pump if you're going inside.
There are only so many pumps at a gas station, and nobody want to wait for you to finish deciding whether it's a Snickers day or a Corn Nuts day in order to fill up. After you're done pumping gas, move you car 20 feet to a parking space so someone else can use the pump.
Pay attention to the light that's right in front of you.
There's litte as frustrating as sitting behind someone who isn't paying attention for those brief and glorious moments of a green left turn arrow. Those moments are as precious as angel tears, and you should never waste them.
Side note: This unwritten rule does not give you the right to honk in NYC, when you're five cars back, and you can't even see whether or not the first person has started moving or not. If you're one of those people, then fuck you. You make the world a worse place.
The courtesy wave is not optional.
Yeah, it feels a little weird, but when someone lets you into the flow of traffic, or otherwise helps you out, give 'em that weird little wave that people do in order to say "thanks."
Don't audition your hand puppet ... ever.
A recent study suggested that 11% of men under 30 masturbate while driving. Just don't do that. Just ... just don't.
Help the stranded/injured, if you can.
Caveat: If the person who is stranded is holding a machete and wearing a pinhead mask, call the police, don't stop. But if you see an old lady with a flat or someone just got into an accident, stop and help. Even if you don't get to Panera before it closes, that mild inconvenience is nothing compared to needing CPR in the next 13 seconds.
Accelerate on the on-ramp.
Why some people think slower is always safer, we can't explain. If you slow down on the on ramp to join traffic you're a danger to those around you, you're not terribly bright, and you're probably from Tennessee. Really, why do so many people in Nashville do this? And yes, I'm speaking from personal experience.
You're not racing.
You don't need to be in front. There's no bottle of Dom and wicked party filled with sexy girls who want you if you're the guy who wins, and that's because because I-78 is a highway, not a race. So, if someone wants to pass you, let 'em. You're safer without an angry person tailgating you anyway.
A game of chicken is never appropriate.
Never, under any circumstances, should you drive with the assumption that other people will get out of your way because they are unwilling to get in a crash, even if it's true.
Give everybody room to get where they are going.
We're not saying you have to sit back like Ghandi and let all of the 196 million licensed drivers in the whole country pass in front of you before continuing on your way, just don't be a dick. A turn signal isn't another driver's way of telling you to accelerate, it's a way of courteously warning you of a change in direction.
Don't drive under the speed limit.
The law might call 55 mph the speed limit on a certain road, but we all know that everybody drives 60-65 on that road. If you're going 49 in a 55, everybody hates you ... everybody.
Always leave a note if you've damaged a car.
Let's say you just accidentally backed into a car in an awkward parking lot into a Hummer H2 and scratched that giant chrome bumper. Yeah, we know that it sucks to know that you're probably going to pay a hefty stack of bills for someone else's bodywork, but we all know how it feels to come back to your car and realize that you car has been maimed and you have no idea who did it.
PS: Leave the note on a piece of paper under the windshield wiper, not keyed into the door like this guy did.
Don't block traffic when picking someone up.
Picking up your friends when on an empty street, by all means stop and wait, while keeping an eye on your rear-view mirror. If it's a busy street and your friend isn't already at the edge of the curb, circle around the block again. Once again, a mild inconvenience for you does not mean you get to annoy forty people.
Don't toss cigarette butts out your window.
My home city isn't your trash can, douchebag. Every time we see this we want to pick up the cig, track down the driver, and make him or her eat it. We don't have a problem with you smoking, or even you smoking in your car (we're sure as hell not buying it, though), we just have a problem with you trashing up the place where the rest of us live.
Stay out of peoples' blind spots.
Obviously, you will spend some time in a person's blind spot when passing or being passed, but it's both annoying and unsafe to just hang out there. Either pull forward or drop back a bit.
Move aside for faster cars.
If you're cruising in your Kia Rio and you see the unmistakable demonic grin of a Ferrari FF behind you, you can bet that the guy isn't drafting for fuel economy, he wants to drive faster than you, and while it may be illegal, that's between the driver and the cops. Don't be a self-righteous prick and just get out of the way.
Be ready for toll booths.
You knew seven hours ago when you started driving to Canada that there would be a toll booth, and you never once thought to put $2.50 in a cup holder so that you'd be ready for it? There is a horde of returning vacationers, 19-year-olds who want to go to a bar, and maple syrup enthusiasts waiting behind you.
No animals/children on your lap.
We don't care if your Pomeranian named Prof. Cuddle-Bumpkin is "the very cutest in the whole wide world" and you just can't stand to not have him sitting on your lap. We just don't want to get t-boned in an intersection because the professor just used his tiny and needle-like teeth to perform an improptu circumcision on the driver.
When in California, leave bikers space to split lanes.
In California, motorcycles are allowed to split lanes, which means that they can ride on the lines and slip between cars. It helps ease the state's insane traffic, and helps bikers get where they are going. So, if you see a biker edging between the lanes behind you, don't get jealous and block them, move over a bit and give him some space. If it really makes you that angry drive to your nearest bike dealer and get your own.
No touching anyone's car without explicit permission.
It doesn't matter if you're at a car show, on the street, or in a parking lot, unless the owner has given you an explicity go-ahead, don't touch another person's ride. Hell, getting up close and looking very intently can even make you look like a thief in a parking lot. If you see something, say something.
Pay attention.
Do you like not having glass shards in your eye? Do you like not having broken knees? Do you like not being on fire? If so, we recommend that you pay attention while driving all the time. The cell phone can wait, your penis can wait, and that fantasy about Mila Kunis can also wait.
