What Your Bike Says About You

Image via Complex Original

"I just came off my parents' health insurance."

"Buying the childhood I always wanted but never got, one eBay auction at a time."

"I live my life a half-hour at a time."

"My formal shoes are nicer flip-flops."

"Lance was framed!"

"My favorite color is beige."

"I just moved here from Durango."

"At least I'm not on a moped."

"Dignity? What's that?"

"My other car is also a bike."

"My girlfriend and I also share jeans."

"My building has a large elevator."

"Nothing cool has been produced since the '70s."

"I buy everything the bike magazines tell me to."

"Those 'safety bikes' are just a fad."

"My calves can beat up your calves."

"This isn't all I can do lying down."

"Happiness is only found through suffering."

"I feel like I'm still 16 but my knees know better."

"No, but it cost more than YOUR car."

"Style is always more important than comfort."

"My Denali was repossessed."

"I could afford the latest technology...once."

"I buy all my clothes at Goodwill."

"I can never make up my mind."

"Went to Target for paper towels and a flowerpot, came back with this."

"I pay other people to post fast Strava times for me."

"Trucker hats are still in, right?"

"I can spell 'Merckx' without looking it up."

"I pour Red Bull in my coffee."

"Can't tell me nothin'."

"I own a wide variety of cycling caps."

"If it ain't broke, don't replace it. Ever."

"I have nothing to live for."