Image via Complex Original
There are plenty of things you'll never completely understand in sports. Why do we say "we won" when our favorite team wins? Eli Manning ain't dapping you up. Why are people voluntarily Jets fans? How is Tim Duncan still playing so well?
Those questions all have there own level of merit—so props. What's incomprehensible to most of us is why someone would storm the field during the course of the game just to interrupt the experience for hundreds in attendance. And why naked?
The rewards very rarely outweigh the consequences, which include fines and a spot on the registered sex offenders list in the UK. But the more immediate consequence is getting bodied by security and being on YouTube until the end of time (or Google). Why go through all of that for people who will never know your name? We'll never understand. Here's A Recent History of Streakers Getting Destroyed by Stadium Security.
Too Many Balls
Date: 5/21/2003
Matchup: Cetlic at FC Porto
This is actually a pretty scary situation. You're focused on winning a soccer match one minute and trying to keep your job. The next minute, you have a nude man with bare testicles coming at you. Not one running across the field for the hell of it–he's coming at you and you can't look away. You don't want to be known as the dude who got scored on by a streaker. Better stop one ball and dodge the other two, shake it off, and get your head back in the game.
Super Bowl Streaker
Date: 2/1/2004
Matchup: Patriots vs. Panthers
As annoying and senseless as streakers are, you gotta give credit where credit is due. The man here obviously had money to blow if he's going to presumably blow hundreds of dollars to get thrown out of America's biggest game. You would hope security would be tighter, but maybe it is since this is the only reported streaking incident during a Super Bowl. So applaud and marvel as he waltzes, florescent light reflecting off his pale skin.
The Harvard Takedown
Date: 11/20/2006
Matchup: Yale at Harvard
Harvard costs over $40,000 a year in tuition and fees in addition to other expenses. Here we see mom and dad's money going to good use as the streaker tries to expose the inner him. This is why kids are the worst.
Streaker's 15 Minutes Get Cut Short
Date: 8/1/2007
Matchup: Manchester United vs International Milan
You gotta to love the quickness with which the security guard took out this dude at the center of the pitch. There's an urgency to it that says, “What the fuck, dude? There are kids here.”
That Disguised Streaker at That Giants Game
Date: 10/28/2007
Matchup: Giants vs. Dolphins
Here's something to consider: the Giants went on to win this game against the Dolphins at Wembley Stadium. They would go on to upset the 18-0 Patriots at the Super Bowl months later. It turns out exposed penis is a good luck charm for the Giants.
Anti-Streaker David Beckham
Date: 11/8/2007
Matchup: Galaxy at Whitecaps
With bacon fat jiggling and sweat dew forming under the man boob, this streaking incident was even more notable because this was done in the presence of David Beckham. Imagine that you're in the streaker's shoes and you see Beckham staring down at you after getting tackled. His eyes don't say anger or fear, but disappointment—because you're better than this.
CitiField's First Streaker
Date: 5/13/2009
Matchup: Braves at Mets
Unlike hitting a home run or winning the World Series, being the first streaker at a new stadium isn't all that worthy of long-term acclaim. Could you imagine him explaining this clip to his 8-year-old offspring a decade from now? “Pop, what's going on?” he says curiously with his index finger pointed toward dad's pixilated nuts. “I'm streaking, sonny. Please don't ask me why.”
That Pesky Streaker With Legs
Date: 7/14/2009
Matchup: Brisbane Roar FC vs. Celtic FC
There are certain times when you just feel bad for the security guards chasing the streakers. You can't teach legs; you either have them are you don't. Hard to chase down naked Usain Bolt-like motherfuckers running around. Time to get some sprinters on that security squad.
Preseason Streaker
Date: 8/15/2013
Matchup: Lions at Browns
This may not have been that bad of a decision. It's preseason and the Browns are playing—no one is really watching. Or rather no one wants to watch. Security is still on payroll here, and they'd be more than happy to take out their lack of turn-up on a misguided civilian.
Streaker Gets Demolished at Rugby Game
Date: 6/14/2014
Matchup: All Blacks vs. England
Everyone who's ever been rocked or have rocked somebody before knows that hits hurt a lot worse when it's coming from the blindside. This is why some YouTube commenters were criticizing the guard for bodying him from that angle—and that's a fair enough opinion. You should probably be expecting this as the best-case scenario if you're streaking on a rugby pitch, however.
The Streaker Who Made His Dad Proud
Date: 8/17/2014
Matchup: Athletics at Braves
What makes this display of public lewdness heartwarming (well, as heartwarming as an unwanted flash can be) is how his father is watching the whole thing in person. He wasn't mortified like a normal human would be either; it was said the father was talking about it soon after. Very weird, but you appreciate these types of father-son moments after watching Fresh Prince.
Female Streaker Nearly Gets Bodied
Date: 9/6/2014
Matchup: All Blacks vs. Argentina
You can go back and forth on whether this was unnecessary force or if the woman had to be taken down like any other streaker. But first, ask yourself this: Did that guard really need to be on top of her after she was already on the ground and neutralized as a threat?
