15. Clint Mathis

Lifespan: 2002
Reminds us of: Robert De Niro in Taxi Driverminus the badassness.

The speedster's character and charisma got him noticed enough to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated. The mohawk was a mistake for sure, but the most depressing Mathis, however, was the chubby, balding one who finished his career with the Los Angeles Galaxy.