Image via Complex Original
The sneaker game done changed—take a look at your Instagram feed and your timeline is likely flooded with new cats steadily showing off their latest pickups from Finish Line and veterans showing off their vault on the reg. Thanks to social media everyone is always trying to one-up each other and the craze is at a whole new level. There’s no future in frontin’ so we decided to hit you with some helpful advice in case you need to slow down—remember, all things in moderation. Check out our 10 Signs Your Sneaker Obsession Is Out Of Control and hit up Dr. Drew if you can’t stop, won’t stop.
You Rock Sneakers For Your Wedding
10. You Rock Sneakers For Your Wedding.
We have nothing against a non-traditional or casual wedding—like, on the beach—but no matter how much of a sneakerhead you are, you should probably keep the Jordan XIs and Chucks on ice for another day. For one, there IS a time and a place for actual shoes. And secondly, there's no point in tarnishing the memory of your favorite sneaker in case the shit doesn't work out—numbers don't lie.
Sneaker Riot
9. You'd Do Anything For That One Pair.
At the end of the day even the most hyped-up shoe is just leather and rubber stitched together, so if you are struggling to get a pair of must-haves and thinking about doing some dirt, take a deep breath and take M.O.P. "Ante Up" off repeat. No Foamposites, Jordans, or Yeezys are worth doing a bid for. And even if you do miss this week's super-exclusive drop, hey, there's always next week's.
You Won't Date a Chick Unless She Has Air Jordan IIIs.
8. You Won't Date a Chick Unless She Has Air Jordan IIIs.
It's always dope to wife up someone with similar interests, but just because she doesn't have some "Cement" IIIs in the closet doesn't mean you can't make the cypher complete. Let her do her, and spend all the sneaker budget on yourself. Matching kicks with your girl is cute and all, but it shouldn't be the be-all, end-all.
Your Storage Rent is More Than Your Rent/Mortgage
7. Your Storage Rent is More Than Your Rent/Mortgage
Here's the thing. If you buy every limited drop—in multiples—while still copping vintage gems and hot GRs, the boxes pile up quick. REAL quick. Sneakers aren't like baseball cards. So once the collection outgrows the closet space, it's time for a storage unit. Then another. Then another. And eventually you can't afford any of it, and Dave Hester is buying your collection for 10 cents on the dollar and bragging about it on A&E. Don't let this happen to you.
You Pick Sneakers Over Rent
6. You Pick Sneakers Over Rent
We know everyone's first instinct when they missed out on Yeezy IIs was to drop $2,500 on a pair the next day on eBay. If you have that stashed under the mattress and your bills are paid, then do you, homie. The fact of the matter for most is that's a few months rent and what's the point of stuntin' in those new kicks if you're sleeping in the back of the whip? And how are you gonna keep 'em clean?
You Take Up More Closet Space Than Your Girl
5. You Take Up More Closet Space Than Your Girl
Stackin’ heat is no joke, but remember it’s always quality over quantity and if you’ve taken over your lady's side of the closet, things have gone way too far. Your admiration of reliving Mariah Carey’s MTV Cribs episode is terry cloth, that means very soft. When it comes to couture especially, just like everything else, make sure you put the woman first. (And if your first thought at seeing a big one-bedroom apartment is "wow, it's kind of a small studio, but that's a nice walk-in closet," you might have a problem.)
You Are Hiding Sneakers From Your Significant Other
4. You Are Hiding Sneakers From Your Significant Other
This might be even worse than taking over her side of the closet. Cheating is cheating—doesn’t matter if it’s with a PYT around the way or spending cream you and your woman share to survive. Grabbing kicks and then having to hide them in the trunk of the whip until she falls asleep is no way to live. If you can’t be upfront with her before making the purchase, then you need to let it slide. Shorty can’t eat no Nikes.
You Have Photos of Your Kicks on the Outside of the Boxes
3. You Have Photos of Your Kicks on the Outside of the Boxes
Sure, on some level this makes perfect sense. It's way easier to pick a pair out of the stacks by photo instead of trying to read that colorway fine print. But you're an addict, and an addict can justify anything. Really, what's next? Organizing by color code? The Dewey Decimal System? Cut back now before it's too late.
You Send Nike Text Alerts When Their Shoes Are Releasing.
2. You Send Nike Text Alerts When Their Shoes Are Releasing
Does @21Mercer follow you on Twitter? Are you so in-tune with the upcoming release schedule that they ask YOU when models are dropping? Do you DM them release reminders just so they don't forget? Slow. Your. Roll.
You Own A Lawn Chair But Don't Have A Lawn
1. You Own A Lawn Chair But Don't Have A Lawn
DMs and reservations? Meh, who needs it? The local spot has what you need, and as long as you get there a week—OK, two weeks—in advance, you know you'll get a pair. So you spend as much time perusing catalogs from REI and EMS for that perfect folding chair as you do scanning Eastbay for forgotten Team Bank shoes for $19.99, and you camp out more than the entire local Boy Scout troop. Do they have a merit badge for that?
