That breakfast of sausage and bacon you finished before dissolving into a brief food coma this morning, only to be rudely awakened by your boss because no one lets you nap at work, is also definitely increasing your risk of cancer. Following the release of a scathing new report from the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), the World Health Organization (WHO) has confirmed that processed meats, i.e. sausage and bacon, cause cancer.
The IARC’s report reclassifies these meats into Group 1, meaning their consumption is "carcinogenic to humans," according to BuzzFeed News. The risk of bowel cancer, as shown in "sufficient evidence in humans," increases with each nibble of a BLT or sausage & gravy. "We’ve known for some time about the probable link between red and processed meat and bowel cancer," Tim Key of the Cancer Research UK tells BuzzFeed in a statement. "You could try having fish for your dinner rather than sausages, or choosing to have a bean salad for lunch over a BLT."
It’s worth noting that Group 1 also counts tobacco and asbestos as esteemed members, a remarkable jump from the breakfast staples’ previous membership in Group 2A, which simply gathers those vices considered "probably carcinogenic to humans." With the new classification, WHO officials have surmised that, for every 50g of processed meat ("roughly" two slices of bacon) consumed each day, one’s risk of colorectal cancer leaps a terrifying 18 percent.
Let the countdown to Bill O'Reilly's inevitable War on Bacon segment begin.