Blizzard Baby Boom Sweeps Buffalo Nine Months After Snowvember

Snowed in? Well, why not do your part in adding a few percentage points to the world's overpopulation statistics? Buffalo did exactly that.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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If the previously reported footage of children willfully brutalizing a harmless robot didn't strike fear in your increasingly less youthful heart, then news of Buffalo's impending baby boom should do the trick. Nine short months after a devastating snowstorm dubbed "Snowvember" pummeled Western New York, trapping citizens in their homes for days at a time, local hospitals are reporting a dramatic increase in the number of births.

In fact, some hospitals are reportedly expecting a birth rate increase of "25 to 30 percent," meaning that once ridiculous fear of children possibly taking over the world is now a confirmed inevitability. "There's no question that [Mercy Hospital in Buffalo] is definitely the heart of where everything was happening," Catholic Health PR manager Dawn Cwierleytells WGRZ. "People were buried in days on end. Being that this coming week is the nine-month anniversary of Snowvember, they're prepared and anticipating a much higher increase."

The typical birth rate at Mercy Hospital is no more than six babies a day, a nightmare by any measurement, but Snowvember Baby Boom rates are expected to increase to as many as 16 babies a day. This means, of course, that the robot-bullying children of the future will now have more robot-bullying friends than ever before.

No one is safe. Don't leave your homes. Trust no baby.

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