The Harsh Truth: Why Non-Lesbian Girls Mess With Other Girls

The Married to the Mob blogger breaks down trendy same-sex relations.

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Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.

When it comes to same-sex hookups, there’s an undeniable double-standard between men and women. As kids growing up with all those crappy teen movies, we were conditioned into thinking that girl-on-girl action is just an added bonus of going to college. Girls making out in pools, undressing each other in locker rooms, getting weird together in dorms--they’re all fantasies thought up by men for so long that now even straight chicks want them. Unlike dudes, who tend to get completely ostracized or assumed gay from such behavior, we women are applauded and encouraged to experiment with other females. So, it’s no wonder why so many “straight” girls go running into the arms of other broads now and then. Here are a few reasons why more ladies are deciding to play for the home team...


The majority of straight girls I know who start fooling around with women do so because they’ve been too tortured by men in the past, and you can’t really blame them. After years of trife relationships and countless male letdowns, lots of ladies start to wonder if there might be more hope for healthiness in a girl/girl relationship. Females are generally more emotionally receptive, nurturing, comforting, and understanding, so they’re a tempting source of love for a man-hater who still seeks companionship. The thing is, this is usually just a temporary fling until another guy comes around. The problem with non-lesbian and non-bi girls getting into situations like this is that while they may be physically and sexually attracted to other girls, there’s no actual romantic chemistry, hence leading the other person on. All of my girlfriends who’ve messed with lesbians would unanimously agree: while they might let the chick go down on them, there’s a super slim chance for reciprocation. They’re affairs based more on fun and emotion than actually having sex. For example, I’m infatuated with women myself. I check chicks out in the street, obsess over big booties, and make regular blog posts dedicated to appreciating beautiful babes. There are even times when I’ve thought, “Hm, I wonder if I could get down with broads in that way?”, but at the end of the day they’re simply a source of inspiration and admiration. I couldn’t really hit. Sure, I’ll motorboat a butt or lick a titty if the atmosphere calls for it, but I draw the line beyond that.


For some women, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with past relationships or bitterness towards dudes. They’re just looking for something new in life. Chicks are the masters of wanting to change shit up. We love going to new places, learning about new cultures, eating in new restaurants, etc. It’s just the idea of renewal and an exciting adventure that gets us so open. It’s like trying a food that you never experienced before. You have to taste it to know if you like it or not. Whether it’s a permanent switch-over or simply that bit of thrill some women need to spice up their lives, there’s no harm in testing it out, right?


I’ve known a bunch of straight women who dated men, yet still had extremely close, intimate relationships with their girlfriends. Obviously, not all females act that way, but compared to our male counterparts, girl friendships are always way more in-depth and physical. Often times as little girls, the first people we kiss are our besties in awkward attempts at understanding sexuality. Then as we get older, we go through puberty together, comparing boobs, bushes, and everything in-between. Sometimes it even crosses into adulthood, when things get a bit more serious and sex is involved. You know the type--those two best friends that show up at parties holding hands and making out, too pleased with their own peachy companionship to give a fuck about anything else around them. Some might say that’s crossing the boundaries of friendship, but fuck it. This is 2012 after all.


Then there are the girls that are totally straight but hook up with other broads just for the shock-value and attention it brings. If you’ve never witnessed such behavior before, all you have to do is go to a trendy club on a Saturday night or check out the popular page on Instagram. All it takes is a few drinks and they’re ready to perform for the entire spot. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with that, but some bitches turn it into a gimmick real quick. I’ve seen tons of women online uploading entire albums of their “wild” nights out--making out with all their girls while surrounded by Ciroc bottles--and it just comes off as trying too hard. That shit is cute and sexy when it’s spontaneous, but as a one-trick pony it’s pretty lame. I’m a chick, though. Chances are most men see it differently.


There it is, gents. Finally, you have some type of explanation for why sometimes hetero hunnies chase after the poon, too. However, you can never really be sure what draws someone to switch up their sexual preferences, and who said we have to justify it anyway? It’s about whatever feels right for you. As long as straight girls don’t run around breaking lesbians hearts for no reason, I’m not mad at any of it. Just enjoy the phenomenon and hope you’ve got a front-row seat when the action goes down.

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