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This just in: Dropping an F-bomb in Massachusetts can leave you with a lighter billfold. The town of Middleborough has just ruled that public profanity comes with a not-so-steep $20 fine, but let out an impressive string of curses and that might just add up to some serious damage.
Middleborough isn't the only town with a crazy, seemingly nonsensical ordinance being enforced. Throughout the United States, there are strange laws strewn across the books that might unknowingly you leave you with a costly ticket on your hands, and in some cases, even a lengthy stint in the state penitentiary.
Blame it on the outdated, ancient laws that politicians keep for nostalgic reasons or to conservatively extinguish pleasure whenever possible, but, be aware, The 10 Most Ridiculous U.S. Laws are out there and ready to ruin your day.
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10. You can't serve beer and pretzels at the same time in North Dakota.
Salty carbohydrate lovers are shit out of luck in North Dakota, where it's illegal for your ice cold beer to be served up with a side of pretzels. We know, we know... You thought you'd never say this, but, "Thank God for nuts!"
9. In Georgia, it's illegal to sell anyone under 12-years-old to the circus.
It looks like getting rid of your sister's annoying friend has become considerably more difficult if you're in Georgia, where the law states, "Any person who shall sell, apprentice, give away, let out, or otherwise dispose of any minor under 12 years of age to any person for the vocation, occupation, or service of rope or wire walking, begging, or as a gymnast, contortionist, circus rider, acrobat, or clown, or for any indecent, obscene, or immoral exhibition, practice, or purpose shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."
Yes, the closest you'll get to clown torture is forcing little Sally to watch Stephen Kings's It on repeat, at least until she's 13-years-old. THE CLOWNS, NOT THE CLOWNS. Sorry, just having a flashback...
8. In Kentucky, it's illegal to use any kind of reptile during a religious service.
Out in the Bluegrass State, there's a law on the books that states: "Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100)."
If you were thinking about using a sacrificial lizard for your next satanic ritual, and you're in Kentucky, you might want to hold off. Looks like it's back to the sheep!
7. In Minnesota, you can't have sex with birds.
Yes, we're not kidding here. One of Minnesota's laws states: "Whoever carnally knows a ... bird is guilty of bestiality, which is a misdemeanor. If knowingly done in the presence of another the person may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000 or both."
So, if you find yourself once again tempted to place your penis into a bird's shiny beak, step away from your feathered friend and refrain (especially if someone is watching). Unless, of course, you have money to blow.
6. It's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits in Natoma, Kansas.
If you're tempted to throw literal daggers at the dude above because he's wearing a striped seersucker suit and has better hair than you, we understand. But if you're in Natoma, Kansas, the move could land you in the slammer. Proceed with caution, haters.
5. It's illegal to purchase or sell sex toys in Alabama.
If you're hoping to take things to a new level with your lady, Alabama is not the place in which to do it. The "Yellowhammer State" is currently the last remaining state to enforce a ban on selling and purchasing sex toys, despite several lawsuits arguing the law's unconstitutionality.
So, if you're looking to go into business selling vibrators (or just get down to business with one), stay the hell out of Alabama.
4. In Washington, motorists with criminal intent must stop at city limits and announce their entrance.
"Hello, police officer? I'm about to loot several stores in your town. Just a heads up!"
In Washington state, there's a law that warns "a motorist with criminal intentions [must] stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town." So if you intend to commit a crime, you're supposed to alert the police in advance? We've seen our share of dim-witted criminals, but none have ever been asinine enough to be honest or self-incriminating enough to attempt this one.
3. It's illegal to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day in Oblong, Illinois.
To all of you multi-tasking dudes out there trying to make the most of your wedding day, put down the fishing pole and pull up your trousers. In Oblong, Illinois, it's "punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day."
We feel you. You've got your wife, and you also have those flippy-floppies. But a word of advice, gentlemen: Only use one rod at a time.
2. Without a permit, it's illegal to wear high-heeled shoes in Carmel, California.
"Oh, girl, you got a permit for them thangs? Oh, you do? Well, carry on then."
Before your girl walks her five-inch Louboutins into Carmel, California, she'll have to stop by the City Hall and secure herself a permit. Originally, the law, which prohibits heels taller than two inches, was intended to prevent against accidents on the city's cobblestone streets that might lead to injury (which might lead to lawsuits).
1. It's illegal to seduce females older than 18 with marriage in Mississippi.
If you're thinking about sweet talking your way into a lady's pants with empty promises, you'd better not be in Mississippi. The state law prohibits the seduction of a female "of previous chaste character" over the age of 18 by "promised or pretended marriage."
Thus, inspiring visions of white chapels in a teenage girl's mind in order to take her home, you could end up in prison for up to five years. So, yeah, if that's your game, you might want to reconsider your technique.
