A Gentleman's Guide to Having Sex on the First Date

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Men are invariably described as "visual creatures" and while it's true that most women use a full spectrum of qualifications to determine whether she'll commit, visual appeal factors heavily if she's going to be tempted to indulge in more short-term gratification.

So, yes, dress to be desired. A suit and tie says you're trying to hard, instead, ditch the formality and wear a casual cool ensemble that shows your have some style.

Grooming wise, make sure your scent game is on point. Don't douse yourself in cologne (no matter how good you think it smells), spray just enough that she'll want to get closer for a better whiff. Also, be sure to pay extra attention to your hands, because she will. If you nails are all gnarly and crusty, she's not going to want them on her soft skin.

White tablecloths and tasting menus are awesome, just not for a first date. On a first date you want to impress with your creativity, and taking her to the fanciest place in town will communicate the exact opposite. It's a nice gesture, but it's traditional and expected and those adjectives don't get anyone hot. Likewise for being stuffed full of Italian food. 

Set the stage for chemistry by veering away from stuffy and taking her to somewhere with a sexy, off-beat vibe. Wine bars are good but border on cliché. Instead, take her to a dimly lit cocktail bar with comfortable seating that encourages getting closer. Take her to a hookah bar and share a few small bites between puffs or a tequila bar where you can dare her to try the mezcal with the worm in it. The mood should communicate unexpected fun rather than a predictable attempt at romance.

You hear it over and over again, but nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is confident. Maybe it's the remnants of our former proclivity for bad boys, but there's nothing that makes our loins ache more than a man who knows he's got it. There's something undeniably sexy about a man who is self-assured, and projects an air of being capable and in control. Maybe that's why Marnie on HBO's Girls sweats the guy who tells her, "The first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little."

Let us be clear. If you said that to any woman, ever, you would terrify her, and not in a sexy way. That is not something you should attempt to repeat. But it's worth pointing out that this guy makes her run into the bathroom to, uh, calm herself down, while her boyfriend's perpetual questioning ("Is this okay?") leaves her cold. Women want to sleep with someone who seems like he'll be able to handle himself, no inquiries or awkward advances necessary.

What you divulge about yourself on the first date will undoubtedly determine whether you score...another date. Sure, we want men to be vulnerable. We just don't want them to share their every well-guarded secrets (or tic, quirk and fetish) on the first date. That comes across as damaged and weird, and it takes the fun out of the whole getting-to-know-you song and dance. 

Trust, if you give it all away on the first date, there is no chance she'll follow suit (if you know what we mean). Your conversation should be fun and light. You should be charming and tell upbeat, intriguing stories. You should not be talking about the disturbing childhood memory you have that scarred you for life. Women have sex with the idea of a man, an idealized image he projects, and no one wants to get down with the guy who gets dewy-eyed talking about how Fido died when he was 8-years-old or waxing emotional about how his ex-gf used to order her steak medium rare, too. You build up to sharing these things, guys! Or in the case of the latter, you don't.

Known fact: First dates can get pretty awkward, and awkward is not an optimal adjective for describing sex. Cut right through the whole fumbling, first date vibes and help her (and yourself) get more comfortable by doing something that will lower your inhibitions (and heighten the sexual tension).

For a more reserved woman, a karaoke bar may do the trick. Challenge her to sing and raise her a tequila shot if she pulls it off. Take her to a jazz club and pull her onto the floor to make an attempt at swing dancing. It really doesn't matter if you can't carry a tune and are painfully uncoordinated, what matters is that you're setting the pace for a fun, unpredictable night. Who knows how she'll lower her inhibitions next...

If your date ends at 10 p.m., you're probably not having sex. But if it ends at 3.a.m., your prospects are considerably better. It's not just that your sobriety will be long lost by that hour (though, that doesn't hurt), it's more so the feeling that a long date has.

If you're bouncing from spot to spot, the night feels wild and carefree. It makes your date seem like a whirlwind of fun that's non-stop because your chemistry is just that electric. Each subsequent destination is leading to your bed like a trail of breadcrumbs, so when you finally suggest you have the next drink at your apartment, it's a natural progression. And when things move from the couch to your bed, it seems like an extension of the night's spontaneity, a domino effect that works in your favor.

You know who's not getting laid? The guy who seems like he's all about getting laid. Wear your sexual thirst on your sleeve and you're guaranteed to return home just as parched as you came. 

A woman wants to feel desired, not objectified, which is why you should never act like you want sex, you should act like you want her. You can't keep your hands off of her; she's just that enticing. Seducing a woman is not about making moves, it's about making her feel seductive. 

Which, coincidentally, is exactly why "Can I have sex with you?" is the least appealing inquiry ever. If you have to ask, at any point in the night, whether it's going to happen, it's not going to. Don't ask. Just let it happen. Be about her now and she'll be about you later.

We may not be in grade school anymore, but a good make-out session still has the ability to get a woman plenty hot. If you start kissing and it turns into a full-on hair grabbing, lip biting, dry-hump-fest, it's going to be pretty difficult for her to cap things off before they go any further. 

Too many men make the mistake of thinking kissing is something you gloss over, an unnecessary detour on the road to sexual satisfaction. You couldn't be more misguided in that assumption. The importance of knowing how to kiss a woman can't be underscored. Your kiss is an indicator of chemistry, of what it might be like if things went further. It's the sample you offer her so she'll want to devour the whole thing.

If you do it right, she'll describe your amazing make-out encounter (turned sexual rendezvous) to her friends the next day with her seemingly flimsy (but truthful) excuse: "The way he kissed me...I just couldn't help myself" or "It just happened." 

Yes, it is possible to just be that good.

Being that this is a "gentleman's guide," we'd be falsely advertising if we didn't touch on the basic precepts of being a gentleman when it comes to sex (particularly on the first date). Keep your honorable credentials in tact by relentlessly adhering to these three rules:

1. Never lie to a woman to get her in bed. Ever. We could elaborate, but we'll just leave it at that.

2. If she's too drunk to stand, falling asleep, or visibly intoxicated to the point of being disoriented, don't attempt to engage her in sexual contact. Call her a cab or better yet, safely deliver her home. 

3. If she says no, unquestionably slam on the breaks. Don't assume her no is an attempt at being coy, or a game, and don't physically or verbally try to convince her otherwise.

Every woman has a quietly persistent inner voice that tells her not to sleep with a man on the first night, especially if she really likes him. We try to hold out and hold off, not because we don't want you, but because we want more. We want to see you again, and another time after that, and after that.

If you're looking to have a one-night-stand, ignore this advice. As we just mentioned, we never condone lying to a woman. But, considering that you've asked this woman on a legitimate date, and you've had a good enough time for it to come to the point you might actually have sex, you probably have pretty good chemistry with this girl. Hell, you might even be starting to like her.

If this is the case, and she gets to stuttering about how she "doesn't ever do this," silence her gnawing fear that giving it up means giving up the possibility that anything might happen between the two of you and tell her the truth: "I want to have sex with you because I like you." 

Nothing will silence a woman's reservations about first date sex than a man's assurance that he will not lose respect or interest in her for giving it up. But just a word of warning, if you say it, you better actually mean it. If not just for honor's sake, to avoid the headache and stress (and stalking and crying) that will undoubtedly ensue if you deceive her just to sleep with her. We've seen it happen before. It is not pretty. Plus, you know better, right?