10 Sex Resolutions for 2013

If you're like most men, your New Year's resolutions are an unremarkable list of of practical health goals: eat less, exercise more, do a minimum of one hundred sit ups each night. At the end of the year, if your aim is accomplished, you'll look better naked. But what's the point of looking better without clothes if you spend most of your time with them on?

Your sexual health is just as important as your abs, and much more fun to work on. Resolve to do better in bed this year. Here's how to have a freakier, far more stimulating sex life in 2013. Make these resolutions, and for the sake of the woman in your life, stick to them.

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By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)

Send your anonymous sex and dating questions to [email protected], and we'll answer them in our new advice column, 99 Problems.

Having predictable, going-through-the-motions sex is almost as bad as not having any at all. Whether it’s your pal you poke, or your girlfriend of many years, she’s familiar with your moves, and—sorry to break it to you, buddy—she’s probably bored silly by most of them. Like watching your favorite movie for the 20th time, the pleasure is still present, but the excitement that comes from unknown twists and turns is long gone.

You may be an old dog, but you’re fully capable of learning new tricks. This year, break out of ruts and stop relying on what you already know works. Commit to finding new ways to reach the finish line. Surprise her, and yourself.

Having sex exclusively in bed is so 2012. This year, leave no surface unhumped upon. If you have roommates (or, you’ve already christened every room in the house) think outside the apartment.

This is especially important for those of you in relationships. When you first started dating, you took risks. You hooked up on your homey’s couch, in the backseat of your cramped Honda, in the bathroom of a crowded bar. Sure, it was Risky Business. But, you didn’t care. You wanted it, and waiting wasn't an option.

Make your same old song sex lively and unpredictable again by recommitting to spontaneity. Your sex life will be barely recognizable, in the best way possible.

Men of the world, know this: Women stress about sex far less than you do. We don’t feel guilty if we don’t finish, or if we finish just a few minutes into the act. Sex is play time. We’re not keeping score. We’re spending fifteen minutes (sometimes more?) away from the pressures of everyday life.

Rethink your attitude towards sex. It’s not just another box to check off. It’s not like work; you’re not being judged on your performance. We’re happy to spend a little time naked with you, and all we ask is that you’re fully present, and enjoying yourself just as much as we are. This year, let your fears and preoccupations go. Get out of your head, and join her in the moment, already.

If you’re a healthy male (or female), you’ve probably got a fantasy or two rolling around in your skull that you’ve never voiced. In 2013, let a few of the bad boys tumble out of your mouth without shame.

Most confident, sexually secure women will not be threatened by your dirty daydreams, even if they verge towards filthy. Start by asking her to reveal something she’s into she’s never spoken aloud. Take turns confessing to your freakiest fantasies and take each one of them for a test drive.

Two things to keep in mind: Keep things judgement free (nothing should be described as weird or abnormal) and never admit to any desires involving a real-life (as in, non-celebrity) person. The quickest way to bring things to a halt is to say you’ve always wanted to see her sister sans clothing.

Too many men focus on the penis-in-vagina part of sex, and overlook the rest of it. If you just thought, "What rest of it?" we're talking to you.

Foreplay is all the action that leads to the main event. It's everything from the first touch or whispered suggestion, to the moment of penetration. And here's something she wishes you knew—the more time you spend on her before, the more exciting it will be for her during. It's both a mental and physical warm-up.

If you're already a pro at foreplay, switch your style up. Surprise her. If oral sex is your go to, try using your hands instead. Tease more. At its best, foreplay is the opposite of instant gratification. It a game you play together, where you mutually put off something you both want until the final possible moment. By allowing desire to build, and inciting a chase, the moment you get what you want becomes that much more satisfying.

Hopefully, you’re already familiar with her basic erogenous zones. But why should her clitoris, nipples, and ass get all of the attention? Whether it’s your first time freaking her, or your five hundredth, an easy way to make an impression is to verge off the err, beaten path. Discover what every other lover has overlooked. Or even better, track down a spot she never knew existed.

Nibble at the edge of her ankles, softly kiss behind her knees, linger on her lower back. Get her to squirm in novel ways and she’ll seek out unexpected ways to take you there, too. Sex life, successfully reinvigorated.

Nothing is worse than sexual selfishness. Like we said earlier, sex should never be about keeping score. But if you’re getting blowjobs on every day that ends with a y, and she rarely gets put to bed, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

Resolve to let your pleasure take the backseat and focus solely on her. Tell her your only goal is to make her feel good and insist you want nothing in return. Don’t make her orgasm your only aim. Revel in taking every possible detour prior to taking her there. Touch, taste, and take your damn time. Sexually spoil her and she’ll be sure to reciprocate when you least expect it. But, then again, that’s not the point, is it?

Want to take your sex life to another level of kinky? Stop by the adult store and bring home a toy or two. Start with a vibrator, and ask her to use it on herself during sex. Based on her receptiveness, slowly graduate to a naughtier variety of sex accessories.

Whips, handcuffs, cock rings, costumes—build a chest of sex toys that you can dig into when boredom strikes. At the end of the day, half of the contraptions you buy may not do it for you. Many will be funnier than they are sexy. Truthfully, the end game matters very little. It's about being more adventurous and open-minded together. It's about getting a little weird and going as far beyond the norm as possible. Novelty and unexpected fun is the goal; orgasms (and discovering new kinks) are just a bonus.

Hey all you dudes having casual sex out there, making excuses for why you're unable to wear a condom—cut the bullshit. Even if Trojans makes your penis feel like you've just dipped it in a tub of Anbesol, it’s still not a valid excuse to not wrap up.

This year, commit to being vigilant about avoiding STIs and maintaining your sexual health. The discomfort you feel wearing a condom will be tenfold if you contract a disease and have to call every woman you’ve done the deed with to alert them they’re now the proud owner of herpes.

In a perfect world, sex would sit sqaurely at the top of your ever-growing list of to-dos. In reality, it gets shuffled to the bottom, and almost everything seems to take precedent to doing the deed.

Getting eight hours of sleep becomes an obsession. Your time at the gym elbows out time between the sheets. The thought of hitting that alarm at 6 a.m. becomes an excuse for not staying up for some late-night loving.

But no more. This year, you’ll make time for what matters. You’re young and alive and sleep can wait. Sex has just as many health benefits as snoozing, but is far less exciting. 2013 will be the year you prioritize boning over boring tasks like answering emails. That doesn't sound so bad, does it?