Image via Complex Original
During a sexual drought, an ex-girlfriend can look like a tall glass of water. You're thirsty, she's available, and she smells just as nice as she used to. She probably even feels just as nice as she used to. But all of her appeal is a mirage.
Sex with no strings attached is a lie, and meaningless sex with an ex is the greatest lie of all. Don't believe us? Here are 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Hook Up With Your Ex. Consider this us taking you firmly by your collar and shaking you. Because really, someone had to.
By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)
RELATED: A Gentleman's Guide to Breakups
Not enough time has passed.
Mutual breakups are the mythical beast of relationships. People claim to have seen them, but any sane person knows they don't actually exist. In the aftermath of a relationship, someone is always left feeling suicidal slighted, and unresolved feelings linger long after your last belongings have been exchanged.
As an easy rule, if you've just broken up, sex is always the worst possible thing to bring into the equation. You never hear anyone exclaim, "Wow, that really cleared things up!" after humping their ex. Nope. It's all cloudy judgement and really heavy dirty talk. If "Why don't you love me anymore?" doesn't get your blood flowing, you're better off steering your sex drive in another direction.
She treated you like crap.
You know those girl friends of yours who keep running back to their slimy ex because the sex is good, the ones who leave you shaking your head and repeating the same advice over and over again? You'd be surprised how often that person is actually a man. Women aren't always the innocent party when a relationship falls apart. Sometimes it's her unyielding iron fist that made it crumble.
If your ex lied, cheated, and was generally an unpleasant, cold human, we don't care if the sex makes you feel like you're Super Mario and you just swallowed a fist full of stars; don't do it. Not once, not ever. Leave her to shrivel up and die, horny and all alone.
It’s a waste of time.
We're not going to lie; we get the appeal of humping your former flame. It's comfortable but still exciting, lingering emotions make things steamy in seconds, and, hey, you still remember the spots that get them going! We totally see why you're dipping your pen in that inkwell.
But to continue on that writing analogy, you should be scribing new stories, not revisiting old ones. Quite frankly, it's a waste of your resources. You should be out there wooing new girls, putting the effort in to having sex with someone you actually like and see a future with. You know this (really, you do) but at the end of the day, you're sorta lazy. Stop procrastinating, get out there, and put in work!
You might catch feelings and end up dating her again.
This is the worse thing that could happen. You could end up like these two sad gingers, convinced you were fated to reconnect and doomed to argue about how she hooked up with your best friend while you were on the outs for the rest of your life. Nobody wants that. Don’t underestimate the power of good sex—just say no!
It makes you look desperate.
People hate to say this, but sex can carry an element of power. It can be used as a weapon, in this case, of self-destruction. If she left you, and you go back to her for a few rounds of bump and grind, even if you tell her it means nothing (and it really does mean nothing), she will still have the smug satisfaction of knowing it was so good you came crawling back for it. Don't give her that, because we both know she doesn't deserve it.
One or both of you is dating someone else.
Really? You're going to taint a perfectly good, new relationship to have another taste of Ms. Old Thing over there? In what alternate universe is that the sensical thing to do? If we were near you right now, we'd slap you.
You broke up with her.
You broke her heart once, asshole, are you really going to do it again? When she bursts into tears mid-orgasm, we're not even going to feel bad for you. We'll just laugh, because really, you should have known better than to toy with her emotions.
She broke up with you.
Being flawed human beings (all of us), we tend to misread signals in our favor. You may think this is a cool move because you're so over how she suddenly woke up one day and just stopped loving you (out of nowhere!), but she will see it a final play to win back her affections. And really, if you search within yourself, you might find that she's right. Just say no to using your penis to win a woman back. For one, it won't work. And truly, you (and your penis) deserve better.
You're not on the same page.
Hooking up with an ex is like walking into a burning house and expecting to leave without a burn, or at the very least, a serious case of smoke inhalation. It's just not going to happen. Chances are, you won't be on the same page. You'll have good intentions ("Sex and just sex!", you'll swear to one another), but things will inevitably get awkward and messy.
You won't be as over her as you think you are, or she won't be as over you as she'd like to be, and before you know it, you've fully unearthed all of the issues you took months to bury, and one or both of you end up hurt. Don't willingly get entangled in that web. Walk away—we repeat—walk away.
It's not healthy.
Look at you, you're a hard-working, responsible guy. You take your vitamins (two different kinds!), you floss, and you jog even though it makes you feel like your knees are going to fall off. Why then would you go and do something as unhealthy as hooking up with your ex? Seems kinda counterintuitive, doesn't it?
A smart, well-adjusted dude wouldn't invite drama into this life and willingly disrupt his mental serenity. Sex with an attractive woman is wonderful, but this one happens to come with as many strings as there are strands of hair attached to her head. Despite your best intentions, getting naked together will trudge up all of those memories—the ugly ones, the beautiful ones, and the really ugly ones. Give your ex a hug, wish her well, and be on your way, because in the end, that's the best decision you can make for your mental health.
