The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's irony-rich roundup includes a woman named McBurnie who burned down her apartment, a man in an "I Have Drugs" shirt caught with—you guessed it—drugs, and a "cool dad" hosting a "lingerie party" rager for his teenage daughter. Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to cityguidetips@complex.com.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero:
RNN: Ratchet News Network
South Carolina Man Pummeled for Allegedly Sexually Assaulting Nephew's Girlfriend
Date: 1/4/2015
Location: Conway, S.C.
Crime: First-degree criminal sexual conduct
Ratchet Meter: 8
A South Carolina man accused of sexual assault earlier this week paid for his alleged actions before authorities could even address them.
CNN reports that police in Conway, S.C. were summoned to a residence early Thursday morning after receiving a phone call about a sexual assault. By the time they arrived, 52-year-old William Mattson had already sustained a beating at the hands of someone "[a]cting in defense [of] the victim." According to NBC News, that person was Mattson's 27-year-old nephew.
The 27-year-old man who beat Mattson told police he briefly left a party, returned to the sound of moaning coming from the bedroom he shares with his girlfriend, then kicked open the door and found Mattson on top of the woman — at which point he beat up his uncle and chased him out of the house
Man Arrested for Breaking Into Oregon Homes, Drinking Liquor and Using Hot Tub—All While Naked
Early "Father of the Year" Contender Arrested for Trying to Burglarize Home While Carrying Infant Son
Man Arrested for Enabling Underage Drinking at Daughter's Playboy Mansion-Themed Birthday Party
Florida Man Charged with Murder After Throwing Daughter Off Bridge
New Jersey Man Arrested for Driving Drunk on New Year's Eve Claims "Everyone" Does It
A Woman Named McBurnie Was Arrested for McBurning Down Her Apartment Building
Man in "I Have Drugs" Shirt Charged with Drug Possession
This Armed Robbery Suspect Is Being Tracked Down by His Pink Foamposites
Date: 12/14/2014
Location: La Vergne, Tenn.
Crime: Armed robbery
Ratchet Meter: 6
A pair of sneakers is being used as key information to help track down an armed robbery suspect.
The criminal was dressed in mostly all-black attire when he was captured on camera robbing a convenience store in the early morning of December 14 in La Vergne, Tenn.
The suspect, who's believed to be a black male in his late teens or early 20s, kept most of his face hidden with a hoodie. But one conspicuous detail may just give him away: Pink Foamposites.
That's right. The armed robbery suspect actually wore Pink Foams when he committed the crime.
Authorities have not yet made any arrests, but believe two other men entered the store with the pink sneaker-wearing criminal. It's believed that a fourth person was also involved with the robbery as the driver of the getaway car.
[via Daily News Journal]
