Okay, so we don't really know where Mario goes to get wasted—maybe the Mushroom Kingdom has a speakeasy or something, because we're pretty sure that place has been under prohibition since the '80s.
But it doesn't really matter, since there are really so many other places for our favorite virtual protagonists to see a show, take in some live music, hear the latest rumors, or simply drink until they fall on the floor.
We tried to be as all-encompassing as possible—whether you prefer adventure games from 20 years ago or Grand Theft Auto IV—but please, if we forgot any, let us know in the comments or on Twitter.
Okay, so we don't really know where Mario goes to get wasted—maybe the Mushroom Kingdom has a speakeasy or something, because we're pretty sure that place has been under prohibition since the '80s.
But it doesn't really matter, since there are really so many other places for our favorite virtual protagonists to see a show, take in some live music, hear the latest rumors, or simply drink until they fall on the floor.
We tried to be as all-encompassing as possible—whether you prefer adventure games from 20 years ago or Grand Theft Auto IV—but please, if we forgot any, let us know in the comments or on Twitter.
The Bar: Kickstand
The Game: Full Throttle (1995)
What's on the menu: Bikers. Plenty of important story events in the old Tim Schafer adventure game take place at this saloon, which is for some reason located in the middle of nowhere.
The Bar: 100 Rads
The Bar: Shotglass's
The Bar: Sierra Madre Casino
The Game: Fallout: New Vegas "Dead Money" (2011)
What's on the menu: Lots and lots of pre-war cash. Unlike the other casinos in New Vegas, the hologram cashier in Sierra Madre pays out not in chips, but in pre-war dollas. That makes your winnings worth ten times more. Jackpot!
The Bar: The Big Bug Fun Club
The Game: Jet Force Gemini (1999)
What's on the menu: Big fun for big bugs. On the battle station Ichor you'll find a discoteque of sorts for the game's ant drones to relax in (when they're not busy shooting your face off). The best part if the "Staying Alive" cover playing when you enter, although you can have the DJ switch to a number of different tracks.
The Bar: Galaxy of Terror
The Game: Deadly Premonition (2010)
What's on the menu: Miss Stiletto Heels. That's both a drink you can order and the singer who spends her time on the stage. Don't heckle her, though, because she also owns the place. Despite being open for just two hours a night, the oddly named Galaxy of Terror is Greenvale's classier bar.
The Bar: Jackie's Bar, we mean Cafe
The Game: Earthbound (1995)
What's on the menu: Delicious booze, but don't tell Nintendo of America. Back in the '90s, the company had some strict policies governing certain types of content, so Jackie's bar was changed to Jackie's Cafe for Earthbound's NA release. That doesn't mean Ness and co. weren't getting wasted there, though. Because they trip some balls and travel to some place called Moonside almost as soon as they arrive.
The Bar: The Bridge House Pub
The Game: Folklore (2007)
What's on the menu: Fantastical Irish Pokemon. By day the Bridge House Pub is just a boring old pub on some boring old island, but at night the Half-Lives come out and it proves a meeting place for the denizens of the Faery World. Which you then capture and use in battle. Just like Pokemon, but with way more drinking (in other words, perfect).
The Bar: Mos Eisley Cantina
The Game: LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (2006)
What's on the menu: Han shooting first. Okay, so that isn't an image from the game (couldn't find one), but it is a pretty badass LEGO set. All we had when we were kids was differently-colored blocks. Anyway, suffice to say, Mos Eisley Cantina is in Lego Star Wars II. What more do you need to know?
The Bar: The Blue Casket
The Game: Grim Fandango (1998)
What's on the menu: Morbid beat poetry. The Blue Casket is where Olivia drops such sweet rhymes as: "With bony hands I hold my partner / On soulless feet we cross the floor / The music stops as if to answer / an empty knocking at the door / It seems his skin was sweet as mango / when last I held him to my breast / But now we dance this grim fandango / and will for years before we rest."
The Bar: The Hairy Bear Inn
The Game: The Witcher (2007)
What's on the menu: Hairy bears. Seriously, if there's a gay bar in The Witcher, this has got to be it. We're just not sure if Czech developer CD Projekt was aware of the implications of the name. Also, the beer is rumored to be made from dog piss. So…interpret that however you want.
The Bar: The Fighting McDonagh's
The Game: Bioshock (2007)
What's on the menu: Fighting. There are plenty of bars, pubs and nightclubs throughout Bioshock and Bioshock 2, though there isn't a one that's not in ruins when you come across it (due to the whole underwater society collapsing thing and all). But there was always something about the good old-fashioned Irish spirit of Fighting McDonagh's that appealed to our brawlier side.
The Bar: Akuda Bar
The Game: Beyond Good and Evil (2003)
What's on the menu: Rebellion. As the hideout of the IRIS network, Akuda Bar is particularly important in Beyond Good and Evil. Also, it's the only place in the game to snap research pictures of the Bovine and Shark humanoids. So yeah, triple important.
The Bar: Rocket Bar
The Game: Space Quest (1991)
What's on the menu: ZZ Top, apparently. The Rocket Bar (known simply as BAR in the first Space Quest game) has lucky distinction of being the only pub on the entire planet of Kerona, and as such, it's also the only place to get Keronian Ale. They've got some mean coupons circulating, too.
The Bar: The Progress Bar
The Game: Tron 2.0 (2003)
What's on the menu: Nerd puns. The Progress Bar, besides having an awesome name, is also the favorite hangout of the Tron universe's most skilled compiler. If that's gobbledigook to you, you clearly need to brush up on your coding skills. There's also a sick DJ (pictured).
The Bar: The Gates of Hell
The Game: Bayonetta (2010)
What's on the menu: Demonic weapons. The Gates of Hell is the only establishment on this list that double as a black market for demonic weapons. To make it even more badass, its owner is a (spoilerz) fallen angel. He's way cooler than those clowns in Dogma, too.
The Bar: The Pelican Inn
The Bar: Jolly's Tavern
The Game: Banjo Tooie (2000)
What's on the menu: A monopoly on local business. Banjo Tooie's Jolly Roger is a flamboyant (and pretty clearly gay) frog who mixes up a mean mai tai over at Jolly's Tavern. Because pirates like rum. In Jolly Roger's Lagoon, a town where the mayor is also the bartender (and everything is named after him), anything goes, after all.
The Bar: Jen's Bar
The Bar: The Grim Guzzler
The Bar: White Stallionz
The Bar: Hercules
The Bar: Steinway Beer Garden
The Bar: The Armadillo Saloon
The Bar: Underworld Tavern
The Bar: The Drunken Huntsman
The Bar: The Cock and Plucker
The Bar: The Pearl
The Bar: The Asylum
The Bar: Bar Illusion
The Bar: Pao Pao Cafe
The Bar: Moe's Tavern
The Bar: Serena
The Bar: Lefty's
The Bar: The Hive
The Bar: The Lumpy Pumpkin
The Bar: 111 Club
The Bar: Ray's Cafe
The Bar: Afterlife Club
The Bar: Joeyray's Bar
The Bar: Taffy's Bar
The Game: Blade Runner (1997)
What's on the menu: Stand-up comedy. The story of the Blade Runner game is parallel to the film's, and Blade Runner Ray McCoy visits many of the same locations Rick Deckard does in the film and book, including Taffy's Bar. In the game, you're treated to a really awful (but somehow truly great) stand-up comedy routine. It's well worth the visit.
The Bar: The South Wall Cornerclub
The Game: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (2002)
What's on the menu: A job (if ya ain't got no morals). Balmora is one of the first towns most players will visit in Morrowind, and its South Wall Cornerclub is the first place many will encounter the game's Thieves Guild and be able to start one of the game's best quest lines. Plus, two of the characters in here are named Sugar-Lips Habasi and Only-He-Stands-There.
The Bar: Purgatory Bar
The Game: Mass Effect 3
What's on the menu: A brief distraction from the impending extermination of sentient life. There are few things better for that than Asari strippers and hard, hard liquor, and Purgatory's got both. Here, Shepard can get wasted and wake up on a couch next to Carrie-Anne Moss-voiced Aria T'Loak, help a cripple fall in love with a robot, and dance awkwardly with strangers. And he's the galaxy's best hope for survival.
The Bar: BAR
The Game: (Root Beer) Tapper (1983)
What's on the menu: Budweiser. Or root beer. It depends on what version of the game you're playing—the arcade original or the more family-friendly remake. And honestly, when the choice is between Budweiser and A&W, it's not really a choice at all. Pass the ice cream! Tapper's BAR gets point for being one of the original bars in gaming.
The Bar: The Thirsty Tentacle
The Game: The Space Bar (1997)
What's on the menu: More puns. This one's just as clever as Tron 2.0's Progress Bar. For the record, the bar itself isn't called The Space Bar, although that would totally work. But the game does take place inside a bar, in space, called The Thirsty Tentacle, where you (the only human on the planet Armpit VI) must interrogate the, um, colorful locals and determine where a fugitive is hiding.
The Bar: Unknown
The Game: Omikron: The Nomad Soul (1999)
What's on the menu: David Bowie. The immortal rocker plays Boz, a dreamy revolutionary and lead singer of The Dreamers who exists only in virtual space. That's where this performance takes place. We're not even sure if that's a real location in the game or just a vision. A lot of the songs that were written for Omikron went on to find a home on Bowie's "'hours…'" album.
The Bar: The Milk Bar (or Latté)
The Game: The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (2000)
What's on the menu: Milk, obviously. There are plenty of heartbreaking moments in this weird, sad and beautiful spin-off of Ocarina of Time. We remember the Milk Bar most fondly for Link's four-part performance that makes Gorman, an erstwhile band manager, break down in tears (and give you a valuable mask).
The Bar: 7th Heaven
The Game: Final Fantasy VII (1997)
What's on the menu: La Résistance. 7th Heaven is run by Barret, Tifa and the orphan Marlene, and it serves as the headquarters for Avalanche, the Robin Hood-esque terrorist group battling Shinra to save the planet. Maybe you had to be there. But no matter what, the bar's unique elevator and hidden underground HQ still stick out to us as awesome.
The Bar: Stray Sheep
The Game: Catherine (2011)
What's on the menu: Semi-realistic conversation (and nightmares aplenty). The segments in the Stray Sheep do an excellent job of portraying the dynamic between an average group of friends as they shoot the shit night after night. And while they provide Vincent with a nice reprieve from his nightly nightmares, a surprising number of figures from his dreams begin to pop up there as well. Regardless, you've got to love the functioning arcade game off to one side, and the bathroom stall where Vincent goes to check out sexts from the insane-but-lovable Catherine.
The Bar: SCUMM Bar
The Game: The Secret of Monkey Island (1990)
What's on the menu: There's not a chance in hell we're going to repeat a certain other site's mistake and not include the SCUMM Bar on this list. Named for the Monkey Island games' scripting language, and not its colorful clientele (though that works too), it's here that Guybrush Threepwood learns what it takes to become a pirate. Apparently real swashbuckling skills aren't as important as knowing good your-mom jokes. In that case, we're set.
Did we miss any? Seriously? Please tell us what they are and let us know what you think of our selections in the comments or on Twitter.