The 10 Hottest Women From "Spartacus"

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Imagine how much better history class would be if the Starz cable network rewrote all major historical events. Wild-eyed groupies would've lined Revolutionary War battlefields, cheering and pulling their breasts out. The headshot that killed President Abraham Lincoln would've been a donkey punch delivered by an overly enthusiastic transgender dominatrix. And on that monumental day in July 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin would've 69ed with Star Trek’s Orion slave girls in the universe’s first zero gravity orgy.

Why such a dirty view of Starz? Because we’re huge fans of the franchise: Spartacus: Blood And Sand, its prequel Spartacus: Gods Of The Arena, and its sequel Spartacus: Vengeance, which premieres tonight at 10pm EST. Aside from gruesome violence and abundant stylized blood spatter (check out our Deadliest Gladiator Index), the key characteristics shared by these seasons are endless sex and undressed women—two of our favorite things. It’s a very loose and promiscuous interpretation of ancient history, one we’re sure is overdone yet we still appreciate.

The Roman Empire was a barbaric place, no doubt. But we can’t, for a second, believe that every single woman looked like a porn star. The world has never been that perfect. But enough pessimism; let us instead honor the sex-crazed small-screen phenomenon with a list of The 10 Hottest Women From Spartacus. The gods should be pleased.

Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)

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10. Viva Bianca as Ilithyia

It’s a good thing that Viva Bianca is so hot, because her Spartacus: Blood And Sand character, Iliythia, is extremely cold-hearted and calculating. Blessed with a body men lust after, she uses it to manipulate her husband, a slave, and the Magistrate of Capua's son into inflicting pain upon her enemies. Hers is a body to die for, so we’re glad Iliythia isn’t real and can’t coax us into any felonies. Treacherous blondes get us every time.

9. Brooke Williams as Aurelia

On Spartacus: Blood And Sand, Aurelia (Brooke Williams) earns a ton of sympathy points, and vulnerability is always sexy. The wife of Spartacus’ boy Varro, Aurelia checks each of these ordeals off her bucket list before the first season’s finale ends: She gets raped, murders the rapist, is widowed, voluntarily becomes a slave, and then kills the boy who ordered her gladiator husband's death. She really deserves a hug, or something a bit more intimate—remember, Varro dies by season’s end. Any suggestions?

8. Lucy Lawless as Lucretia

Like dinner when it’s in the oven, Lucy Lawless has gotten hotter over time. Back in the late ’90s, she both aroused and intimidated us as the star of Xena: Warrior Princess, though, honestly, her Greek powerhouse teetered a little too far into butch territory to completely enter our fantasies. On both seasons of Spartacus, however, Lawless is a force of sexual nature, flashing her mondo breasts often and rubbing bodies with guys and dolls. We’re more partial to her trysts with the ladies, many of whom appear on this list. With a gang of hot slave girls at her disposal, Lucretia always gives males viewers what they want, instead of making us feel physically inferior a la Xena.

7. Cynthia Addai-Robinson as Naevia

Replacing one of the most desirable women on a hit show is no easy feat for any actress. Imagine the pressure there must be on Cynthia Addai-Robinson, the lucky lady chosen to take on the vulnerable and vestal character of Naevia, a role previously filled by audience-favorite Lesley-Ann Brandt. But Addai-Robinson should rest easy, because it looks like she's locked down that sultry and seductive appeal necessary for all Spartacus sirens.

6. Brooke Harman as Licinia

If she didn’t satisfy our blonde urges so damn well, resident mean girl Licinia (Brooke Harman) would leave us annoyed and wishing another chick would kick her ass. She’s a catty, constantly belittling diva who goes too far when she laughs at Iliythia, who has just been tricked into having sex with her enemy, Spartacus. None too pleased, Iliythia attacks Licinia (try saying that five times fast). What should’ve been an epic catfight, though, plays out like gladiator’s battle. None of the ripped clothes, moaning, and mid-fight kissing we envisioned in our thoughts—just the sight of Licinia’s head getting smashed in. That’s too kinky for even us.

5. Marisa Ramirez as Melitta

Were there really women of Mexican/Native American descent in the Roman Empire? It’s doubtful, but, seriously, who cares. Nobody watches these Spartacus shows for historical accuracy or any other nitpick factors. As slave girl and gladiator’s wife Melitta, Marisa Ramirez defies authenticity, especially whenever she’s buck-naked and at the center of slow-motion intercourse.

4. Jaime Murray as Gaia

Jaime Murray first left us drooling back in 2007, when she co-starred in Dexter’s great second season as Dex’s freaky and psychotic cut-buddy. Having seen all that she’s got beneath the sheets in Dexter, we understood her presence in Spartacus: Gods Of The Arena as the conniving and ever-horny Gaia right away. The British actress is a consummate pro at batting her eyes and exuding a steamy “take me now” disposition. The show-running geniuses that they are, the producers of Spartacus wasted no time and had Gaia sex it up with Lucretia (Lucy Lawless) in her first episode. You can’t beat character development like that.

3. Erin Cummings as Sura

When you’re as cool and badass as Spartacus, it’s only right that your wife look as good as Erin Cummings. Fans of trashy B-movies should recognize Cummings from last year’s straight-to-DVD campfest Bitch Slap, in which she played a corporate chick quick to tote army-sized guns and tongue down other ridiculously fine women. She toned down her perversions in Spartacus: Blood And Sand, though, opting for the more tender character of Sparty’s enslaved ball-and-chain Sura. While they don't invite other women to join them, they smash graphically until they're enslaved and separated, at which point Spartacus just imagines he's hitting that.

2. Lesley Ann-Brandt as Naevia

Just because we don’t agree with the idea of slavery doesn’t mean it’s completely reprehensible. For lurid entertainment purposes, the slave girls of Spartacus justify the whole beck-and-call philosophy of servitude. Such obedience forces Lesley Ann-Brandt—as Lucretia’s (Lucy Lawless) favorite virginal slave, Naevia—to disrobe and ride the pony whenever she is ordered to. Ann-Brandt gives us a younger Salli Richardson/Vanessa Williams vibe, beautiful actresses who weren't too high-end for nudity. Sadly, though, she fell back from renewing her contract, allowing Cynthia Addai-Robinson to pick up the role. Win, win.

1. Katrina Law as Mira

Much like 300 did, Spartacus reminds us on a weekly basis that our gym memberships have been wastes of cash. It’s not unusual for us to bang out some push-ups while watching episodes—looking diesel seems to work magic for Spartacus himself. Think about it: He’s already married to the gorgeous Sura (Erin Cummings), but the swordsman also gets to smack backs with servant chick Mira, played by former Miss Teen USA pageant contestant Katrina Law. Late in the first season, when Sura has been murdered, she lusts after him—do you think his warrior’s physique has anything to do with that? Of course it does! It’s time to remove cement from ass and get it to a gym!