Pop Culture

The New Frontier: 10 Space Movies Hollywood Hasn't Made Yet

Hollywood needs to overhaul the space film genre. Here are our ideas for new intergalactic movies.

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Granted, Hollywood has some great space movies under its belt. The classics, of course, are some of the most popular films ever made, like Star Wars and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Many are regarded as the pinnacle of filmmaking, as well as generation defining. However, it kind of feels like the film industry misses the mark sometimes. There are a lot of stories out there that need to be told, and here are a few of them we wouldn’t mind shelling out the price of a movie ticket for. Here’s The New Frontier: 10 Space Movies Hollywood Hasn’t Made Yet.

Knocked Up: Alien Baby

Starring Seth Rogen and the chest-burster from Alien, this year’s best romantic comedy is Knocked Up: Alien Baby. He was just a regular guy, until one night when he woke up on a spaceship with Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), as the adoptive mom of the chest-burster. It will bring you to tears…from laughing!

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How the Grinch Stole Chrasturmaka

The Grinch is back at it again! He’s trying to ruin Chrasturmaka—the most important holiday of a galaxy far, far away. In this new Christmas-season favorite, the Grinch learns the true meaning of Chrasturmaka. It’s so much more than human sacrifices hung on pine trees. Chrasturmaka is about being with your fellow alien brethren and planning the destruction of the human race in its entirety—something the Grinch enjoys, because they remind him of the Whovilles. They’re way too happy.

Pluto Police

With her classic Theodore Rex (1995), Whoopi Goldberg has already proven herself more than adequate at the buddy cop genre, which, if you haven’t seen, is the one where she plays the world’s toughest cop with a new partner. The hitch? Given the contextual clues of the title you probably figured out already that her new partner is a dinosaur. Now she finds herself on the coldest former-planet in our galaxy, Pluto, with a partner she’d never expect, an alien dinosaur, which is brought back to life by being frozen perfect in a block of ice. It will be directly released on VHS and LaserDisc.

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Mighty Ducks Four: Shooting for More

The teammates of the Mighty Ducks take the term “shoot for the stars” a little too far, and decide to take the game to space. Too depressed that hockey is only popular in Canada and Russia, they start the first league on the ice planets of our galaxy, and next, face some of the toughest creatures that have ever evolved from a space amoeba. The Flying-V formation totally takes the opposing teams by surprise because they have no idea what ducks are.

Outer Space and Out of Place

Everyone knows that puberty is a really tough time for a kid. The struggle of a 13-year-old boy coming of age has been well documented in some of Hollywood’s most successful movies. Outer Space and Out of Place tells that classic tale of the delicate line that must be crossed—between childhood and adulthood—by our main character, Toby, who is the first 13-year-old boy on the first successful moon colony. He has to deal with new feelings about girls, hair in places it wasn’t before, and making sure his oxygen tank is always full. “Mom! Just leave me alone! I don’t want any Tang! God!”

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Space Station of Cards

Politics are crazy everywhere. Between what’s going on in Egypt, Gaza, and the U.S., it seems like politics is the messiest business in the world. It’s the most corrupt people ruling over people who don’t even know any better. But you’re probably asking yourself, “What about space?” Space Station of Cards follows Lt. Frank Underfoot and his wife Blair as they do anything they can to gain power in the small space station set on Mars. The red-hot intensity of the fire planet doesn’t come close to the fire behind Lt. Underfoot’s eyes.

West Side of the Moon Story

Set in the 3050s, West Side of the Moon Story is a space musical that takes place in a blue-collar neighborhood of Jupiter’s moon colony. The story focuses on the conflict between two rival gangs in the colony, the Earthlings and the Lunatics, as they snap and sing their way through outer space. Hit songs include, “One Hand, One Heart, Eight Tentacle Legs,” and lyrics like “I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and hungry for human flesh.”

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E.T. The Sequel

E.T. stands as one of our most beloved pieces of cinematic history, but after E.T. went back home did he ever stop by and visit Drew Barrymore? Like, did he at least extend the invitation to her and Elliot (Henry Thomas) to have them over for a visit? There’s nothing more rude than having guests over and they never invite you to their place. E.T. abides by the rules of hospitality, so in E.T. The Sequel, he has his childhood friends come visit him on his home planet. Unfortunately, they are not prepared to breath in such an atmosphere as E.T. was prepared to breath on Earth.

Asteroids: The Movie

Based on the very popular arcade game, Asteroids, released by Atari in 1979, Asteroids: The Movie is an action-packed blockbuster. It follows the life of a young man, Ziggery Zo, as he drops out of college to pursue a full-time career in playing Asteroids. He lands the highest score ever and is drafted into a top-secret agency of the U.S. government, Division ‘ROIDSS—Retain Or Instead Destroy Space Stuff. He spins in a circle and shoots white bullets at incoming asteroids that threaten Earth.

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Space Jam, Back Again

Space Jam is easily one of the most popular movies from the ’90s, and it holds a special place in every ’90s kid’s heart. It’s time to cash in on that. Space Jam, Back Again tells the story of how Michael Jordan, after retiring from basketball, baseball, and golf, gets sucked into the gutter of a bowling alley to attend a rematch on the alien’s planet. Even 18 years later, at age 51, Jordan can probably still bring it.

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