The Only Super Bowl Commercials You Need to See

Commercial breaks are usually the time when you can run to the bathroom, grab another beer, or pretend to be listening to your significant other for five minutes. Unfortunately, Super Bowl commercials are on another level. You have to pay attention to the game and the ads? Who's got the time? That's a recipe for a bladder infection.

For your health, we watched the ads and compiled a list of the only ones worth mentioning at the watercooler come tomorrow morning.

With the exception, of course, being Anna Kendrick's almost-ad for Newcastle, the beer that couldn't afford a spot during the game but still got plenty of publicity by offering Kendrick a chance to be beer-commercial hot and then taking it back.

Celebrity cameo: The Muppets and Terry Crews

Was this ad directed by M. Night Shyamalan? Because that twist at the end killed us. It was all in Terry Crews' mind. Too spooky.

Celebrity cameo:None

Old Spice created the perfect song for mothers dealing with their sons going through puberty, while discouraging body odor by saying he'll get more ladies with deodorant. It does a service to us all.

Celebrity cameos: Bruce Willis and Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen. In a Super Bowl commercial. Wrapped around Bruce Willis. #YouveComeAlongWayBaby

Celebrity cameo: None

It seems Axe has gone the sentimental route. As this one airs during the game, stuff your mouth with a loaded nacho, and when you begin to cry, say it's because of the jalapeno.

Celebrity cameos: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, and Wayne Knight

Tonight will be remembered not for its boring as hell football game, but for the night Jerry, Jason, and Wayne got back together to honor New York City and coffee shops.

Celebrity cameo: Laurence Fishburne

Ugh, man. We wish this commercial would happen to us. Trade in our lemon for a Kia that constantly has Laurence Fishburne singing opera in the back? Sign us up.

Celebrity cameo: None

The past is dusted with Doritos nacho cheese.

Celebrity cameos: John Stamos, Dave Coulier, and Bob Saget

We like to imagine that after Full House ended Coulier and Saget moved in with Stamos, who only could afford his mansion because of Danon commercials and prostituting himself to yogurt-loving Stamos fans.

Celebrity cameo: None

Empowering for girls and sends a great message to us all? No joke here. Except the Broncos at this game.

Celebrity cameo: Ellen Degeneres

Ellen, a comedian who busts a move daily on her talk show, will increase Beats sales in women ages 30-50. The bear dressed as Skrillex will increase sales of Beats in woodland creatures ages 5-15.

Celebrity cameo: None

No celebrity endorsements, no explosions, no scantily clad women. Just 100% pure adorable puppies dressed up like humans.

Celebrity cameo:None

The only thing more important than not letting your teammates down? Scoring some Coke.

Celebrity cameo: None

Chevy says one thing with this commercial: You. Will. Get. Laid.

Celebrity cameos: Diddy, Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer, Drake, and Victor Cruz

FOH, Duck Dynasty. POH, everyone else.

Celebrity cameo:None

Pepsi invented halftime thanks to random women driving onto the field with a cooler full of the soft drink. "American History," look it up.

Celebrity cameos: Mark Strong, Ben Kingsley, and Tom Hiddleston

With Strong, Kingsley, and Hiddleston delivering lines with sinister British accents, we wish this Jaguar commercial was a movie trailer instead.

Celebrity cameo: Sarah McLachlan 

Finally, a Sarah McLachlan commercial that makes us laugh instead of setting us off into a downward spiral of tears and anger over the mistreatment of animals.

Celebrity cameo: Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow, without a contract, has become an astronaut lost in space, alongside Sandra Bullock in Gravity II: Loster.

Celebrity cameo: None

We love the biracial family in the Cheerios commercials, but does anyone else think Gracie's old enough to recognize the baby bump on her mom if she knows enough to bargain with her dad for a puppy?

Celebrity cameos: Hulk Hogan, Erik Estrada, Alf, Dee Snider, John Ratzenberger, Kid and Play

Remember when Radioshack was relevant? So does the '80s. Memories are guilt-tripping you.

Celebrity cameo: David Beckham

Finally, a male athlete not effin' up a play and just straight up getting nude. Wait...

Celebrity cameo: John Krasinski

Want to win $1.5 mil? Got student loans up your ass? Watch this.

Celebrity cameo: None

Oh, no. Do not get emotional over a puppy and a Clydesdale forming an unlikely friendship. Keep it together.

Celebrity cameo: Reggie Watts, Minka Kelly, Don Cheadle, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and OneRepublic

The commercial starts off with a girl offering a guy a beer with "Can you handle what comes after this?" which sounds a lot like she's got a roofie in there. Luckily, it went way better than expected.

Celebrity cameo: None

Budweiser honors our nation's heroes by making us look like a little baby in comparison to them when we cry at our Super Bowl party over this commercial.

Celebrity cameo: Arnold Schwarzenegger

And, of course, the whole video of Schwarzenegger playing tiny tennis for your viewing pleasure.