Image via Complex Original
Celbrities attempting to diversify their revenue streams by lending their name and likeness to a video game is nothing new.
Chuck Norris Superkicks for the Atari 2600 is one of the earliest forms of digital celebrity self-indulgence, but it will be far from the last. Celebs have embraced the medium since day one, and the resulting product is usually executed with all of the aplomb of asking to see a wine list at Sizzler.
It's not pretty and we're going to have to see another one of these lists in a few years. Mark my words. Here are the Worst Celebrity Cameos in Video Games.
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20. The Burger King
Shameless game tie-in: Fight Night 3
A living product placement inserted into a game which was essentially a vehicle for advertising. Super-meta. Thanks EA, we've always wanted to see Muhammed Ali square off against a tater-tot smelling parade float.
19. Funk Master Flex
Shameless game tie-in: NFL 2K5
Sure, Funkmaster is a gifted DJ, rapper, and producer. When he turned up in NFL 2K5 to challenge players as one of the trash-talking celebrity coaches, we were grateful. Jamie Kennedy was another one of the celebrity coaches. Yeech.
18. Kurt Cobain
Shameless game tie-in: Guitar Hero 5
There has been no shortage of outrage over the inclusion of a posthumous, digital Kobain appearing in Guitar Hero 5. The man was so anti-corporate when it came to liscensing his music during his short life and the hollow eyed avatar lifelesly strumming out 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' is wrong on every level.
17. The Star Wars Kid
Shameless game tie-in: Tony Hawk's Underground 2
Using the Internet to become the poster child for unintended YouTube celebrity is fairly common place these days. In the early aughts, however, this cherubic Jedi Padawan cemented his role as one of the greats. He's still referenced in pop-culture and his appearance in a skateboarding game just seemed over indulgent. 15 minutes of fame certainly add up, don't they?
16. Avenged Sevenfold
Shameless game tie-in: Call of Duty: Black Ops II
One of, if not the worst, of the Nu-Metal holdovers from the Stained, Linkin Park, P.O.D. era, Avenged Sevenfold's cameo during the credits of COD: BLOPS II was about as necessary as a third Arby's roast beef sammich. It was so gratingly out of place and awkwardly executed, one hopes that it's never repeated.
15. KISS
Shameless game tie-in: Tony Hawk's: Underground
KISS has created a secondary post-career for themselves since all but hanging up any pretense of being an actual musical act. Shilling everything from condoms to Dr.Pepper, the band exists mainly as a merchandising organism. When Gene Simmons isn't hocking KISS coffins, he can be found turning up in unwelcom places like Tony Hawk's: Underground
14. Tom Arnold
Shameless game tie-in: Playboy: The Mansion
I know that when I want to experience the world of Playboy, the first thing I think about is Roseanne's ex-husdand. If it's at all possible to make a game about adult entertainment dull, Playboy: The Mansion accomplishes it. The appearance by Tom Arnold loafing, seemingly unemployed, about the Playboy Mansion strikes us as the most realistic part of this game.
13. Christina Aguilera
Shameless game tie-in: The Sims: Superstar
I'd like to see the venn diagram that illustrates the overlap of fans of hardcore life simulators and fans of Christina Aguilera. The Sims as a series took pride in making the mundane somehow seem enthralling. Being an agent for a pop-star sounds like a fate worse than death, but The Sims: Superstar manages the task, like most of their titles, effortlessly. Aguilera has to get to the show on time and you're the only one who can help!
12. Ron Jeremy
Shameless game tie-in: Bone Town
Another 'celeb' that has found a way to monetize his hirsute visage, the former adult film star is notorious for saying yes to any project that ensures a deposit to his very moist Swiss bank account. Bone Town being a perfect example of another sim that hoped to cash on in a 'celebrity' endorsement. The game fails on so many levels it's no wonder that Jeremy has now resigned himself to selling fast-growing penis pills through banner ads on Porntube.
11. Michael Jackson
Shameless game tie-in: Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2
The King of Pop deserved better than this. Well into his hermit years when this forgettable Dreamcast title dropped, it accomplished in only making us wish for another Moonwalker game. Being featured as a guest boxer made zero sense when you consider Jackson weighed all of 110 pounds. Huge bummer that made us all pine for better days.
10. Christopher Walken
Shameless game tie-in: Ripper
Less shameless and more unintenionally endearing, Walken's performance is actually kind of amazing. Not much of a surprise that this 1996 point and click title for PC is nearly all but forgotton. Walken plays Walken to the Nth degree and we can almost see the conversation between Walken and his agent prior to agreeing to this 6 CD long mess.
Agent: Chris, have you heard about CD-Roms? They're going to be huge!
Walken (read it in his voice): I'm a huge fan of the future. I love computers...and acting.
Agent: Great, this is going to be bigger than Star Wars.
Walken immediately got new representation after the game flopped.
9. William Shatner
Shameless game tie-in: Tek War
Becoming an author or a reoccuring character on Baywatch were the only two things left for Shatner to accomplish in the 90s. After a serious bought with melanoma, Shatner opted for the former. Tek War was a solidly 'meh' series of sci-fi books that gave rise to exactly one Tek War game. A first-person shooter that was released at the infancy of the genre, Shatner appears in choppy cut-scenes to reassure purchasers of the game that thier money and time were being well invested.
A gentle reminder that, yes, he's also Captain Kirk.
8. Carmen Electra
Shameless game tie-in: Def Jam: Fight For NY
When I think hardcore underground fighting I think Carmen Electra. While the animators seems to have run out of polygons by the time they got to Electra's head, her breasts are rendered flawlessly. Bare-knuckle, rooftop fighting, as an art, has been furthered by Electra's carboard performance in Def Jam: Fight For NY
7. The Rock
Shameless game tie-in: Spy Hunter: Nowhere to Run
There's no arguing that Dwayne Johnson is an incredibly lucrative asset when it comes to Hollywood action films. His turn in the the abandoned Spy Hunter film is unique because even though the film was scrapped well after production had finished, the expectantly mediocre tie-in video game was still released.
The games was meant to be an homage to the Spy Hunter title of the 80s, but came off as a bland third person, action adventure title. Not even Johnson's well chiseled jaw line could save it from the bargain bin.
6. Drew Carey
Shameless game tie-in: The Sims: House Party
Nothing screams rager louder than a sitcom star panhandling in the Skid Row that was The Sims: House Party. Allowing players to throw, um, house parties, Drew Carey awkwardly appears to open limo doors for guests of your party. If your party is a success, he will also congratulate you.
The whole thing tastes like a sadness sandwich you are reluctantly forced to take a bite from.
5. Justin Bieber
Shameless game tie-in: NBA 2K13
Our generations pop star cum enfant terrible makes one of the most roundly unwanted celebrity appearances in recent video game memory. The hairless Canadian wisp of a man appears as a playable character in last years NBA 2K title thanks in part to the shrewd buisness accumen of executive producer Jay Z. That's what we're telling ourselves anyhow. Hopefully One Direction stays well away from NBA 2K14.
4. Britney Spears
Shameless game tie-in: Britney's Dance Beat
Less of a cameo and more of an 'I'm going to license out my very soul to the PlayStation2'. Players must audition for Spears in order to secure one of the coveted spots on her dance squad. Yup. That's the whole game.
3. Shaquille O'Neal
Shameless game tie-in: UFC Undisputed 2010
Sure, we could have gone with Shaq Fu, but this being a list of cameos, we went with Shaq's brief flirtation with the realm of MMA. Shaq appears as an unlockable fighter in UFC Undisputed 2010 with no real advantages over other fighters than an uncanny ability to monetize everything he does. Don't believe us? Then you obviously haven't tried Shaq's Orange Cream Soda.
2. Aerosmith
Shameless game tie-in: Revolution X
Another perfect example of a band being roped into a video game crossover endorsement without fully understanding the medium. The Midway arcade Terminator 2: Judgment Day clone was eventually released for home consoles and you could suffer the boredom of shooting CDs out of a light gun in the comfort of your own home. The whole affair reeks of confused money changing hands.
1. Fred Durst
Shameless game tie-in: Fight Club
Take a cult-classic novel, adapt it for a film starring Edward Norton and Brad Pitt, quickly realize that there's more money to be made by releasing a rushed cash grab of a game, and throw in...Fred Durst.
Anytime you get to break Fred Durst's jaws is a win for the entire species, but you should at least be honest in naming the title. 'Talentless hack that earned far too much, for providing far too little- fighter' would have been a better marketing move.
Doesn't seeing that backwards red cap just fill you with seething, blackout levels of rage? No? Just us? Cool.