5 Reasons You Should be Playing the "Call of Duty: Ghosts Onslaught" DLC

How was your Super Bowl weekend?

Did you enjoy the big game? No, nobody enjoyed that over the jeans dry-hump they passed off as as football game. You know what we did instead?

We spent whole game playing the Call of Duty: Ghosts Onslaught DLC after it became brutally apparent we were witnessing a blow-out. Spending the better part of eight hours with the new DLC, we've decided to give you five reasons worth copping the new content.

Licking the ends of paperclips and checking the sockets in your home for voltage would be more enjoyable than watching another Super Bowl like that. Be smart, cop the Onslaught DLC and avoid being let-down like that again.

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The Onslaught DLC is dropping four new maps, each catering to both long-range and run-and-gun play styles. All of the maps can be classified as small to medium in size.

Fog: Remember the first time you watched Cabin in the Woods? Great, now imagine you were armed with a full loadout of automatic weapons and hand grenades. We've been spending the majority of our time lurking in the high grass, but snipers should head to the barn. Just make sure you stay right there so we all know where to find you.

Bayview: If you were going to model a map after San Diego or the Jersey Shore, you'd probably end up with Bayview

Containment: You'd think that Mexico would have enough to deal with socially; what with the drug cartels, corrupt police force, and slowly turning vigilante populace, an un-guarded nuclear weapon is the last thing they need lying around. The nuke aside, the new map is going to challenge new players to stay the f*ck out of the river bed if they're planning on becoming anything other than sniper meat.

Ignition: Based off the classic Scrapyard map from Modern Warfare 2, Ignition has everything you're looking for in your next trip to Florida. The map is on the smaller side, so controlling corridors and corners is going to be crucial. We visited Cape Canaveral once and all we got was astronaut ice cream. Fuck you, NASA.

The Maverick Assault Rifle is basically the MacGyver of assault rifles. The rifle comes with a sniper kit that will players to swap between medium and long range accuracy. The rifle is equipped with brilliantly accurate ironsights without the sniper kit. The one drawback to the Maverick, while in assault mode, the kickback from the rifle is significant.

Equip a fore-grip and that will help maintain accuracy.

The sniper kit is some next level T-1000 tech shit. It doesn't have an enemy tracker, but the reticle set up is still wicked accurate.

Zombies are sooo 2010-minutes ago. The new hotness? Cryptids.

Not only do you get a new map with the first installment of the serialized Extinction Campaign, you're also getting a brand new story line. The map, Nightfall, places players in a remote and barren research station in the Alaskan Tundra that has been overrun by aliens.

Two new species of aliens: the phantom and the breeder are both gnarly in their own respects. The phantom comes with a mid-air cloak, making it extremely difficult to get a bead on. The breeder is a massive boss with a mouth that looks like a thousand, teeth-lined space vaginas. Good luck with that.

Containment: If a nuclear weapon sits in the middle of a map, you're goddamn right you're going to be able to detonate it. Complete a field-order to call in a mortar strike to decimate other players on the map.

Ignition: Notice those cramped corridors that are basically very long hallways of death under the space shuttle complex? Look up. Completing a set of field orders will allow players to activate the space shuttle's rocket, essentially turning the entire network of corridors into a blast furnace.

Bayview: Did you notice those Battleships out in the harbor? Great, because once you complete a field order, you're able to call in an artillery strike and level whole city blocks. This used to be a nice neighborhood.

Fog: We saved the best for last...

Complete a field order on the Fog map and you get to play as Michael Fucking Myers.

Jason Vorheess has gotten a video game, Freddy Krueger was in Mortal Kombat, Michael Myers is long overdue for a video game appearance. Once you become Myers, the music from the Halloween series plays, changing the entire soundscape of the level. The music changes for all players in the match, so everyone knows that Myers is on the lurk.

You don the mask and stalk the other players on the map using only an old, bloody hatchet. When you die as Myers, you explode into a black and red demon mist.

That's what we've been calling at least.

We've been spending the majority of our time with the Onslaught DLC doing just this.