Separated at Birth: Super Bowl Players and Their Video Game Counterparts

You'll never guess who got Squirtle.

February 2, 2014

Image via Complex Original

Super Bowl season is upon us, everyone, and—like most hard-core gamers—you may be saying to yourself, "Who cares?" Totally understandable. Many of us have better things to do than watching football games. But, if you happen to be a crossover fan of both sports and gaming, then you're in luck! Because we've put together a list of Super Bowl Players and Their Video Game Counterparts. If you don't like football, you may be surprised at some of the similarities that these athletes have with your some of your favorite characters.

After all, most athletes, like all video game characters, are larger than life figures, boasting outsize frames and eye-popping athleticism that are just as incoherent with normal reality as the machine-gun arm of Barrett Wallace from Final Fantasy VII or the destructive power of a well-timed Falcon Punch from Captain Falcon. What other popular characters made our list and, more importantly, who are the athletes that match up with them?

Take a look for yourself, and let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.

Golden Tate and Slippy from the Star Fox series

Strength(s): An integral member of any offensive attack
Weakness(es): Can't stop running their mouths

There may not be a single video game character in the history of the genre who is more annoying than Star Fox's, Slippy Toad. The motor-mouthed frog does not shut up and, truth be told, when he died during any mission, you were usually glad. He deserved it. The comparison with Seattle Seahawks wide receiver, Golden Tate, isn't to say that we wish the same fate upon Tate, but the guy could definitely stand to clap his trap every now and again, having earned a reputation for taunting after a showboating incident this season. However, Tate has also proved himself as a key cog in the Seattle offense this year, and also made one of the toughest catches of the season, so we can't begrudge him too much.

Champ Bailey and Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series

Strength(s): An invaluable veteran presence on any team
Weakness(es): They aren't getting any younger

Broncos cornerback Champ Bailey is one of those guys who you almost can't believe is still in the league, having been drafted all the way back in 1999. Bailey has had a storied career, earning 12 Pro Bowl nods along the way, and is now set to appear in his first Super Bowl. Much like Solid Snake of Metal Gear fame, Bailey has been around the block more than a few times, and can lend his veteran expertise to any match-up. However, with both of these characters, their age is becoming more and more noticeable as the years wear on. In Bailey's case, he was limited to a career-low five games this past season due to a foot injury. However, like Snake in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, will Bailey be able to fight through old age to get through one last mission?

Kam Chancellor and Captain Falcon from the Super Smash Bros. series

Strength(s): They both pack a punch
Weakness(es): Can occasionally get burned trying to make the big hit

A member of the Seattle Seahawks "Legion of Boom" secondary, safety Kam Chancellor has earned a reputation as being one of the hardest hitting players in the league, and he backed that up with some back-cracking blows against the Niners in the NFC Championship Game. If we're going to make an analogy for Chancellor's tackling ability, the most fitting comparison is Captain Falcon's "Falcon Punch" technique in Super Smash Bros. But be warned: Chancellor will sometimes give up a huge play when he tries too hard to lay out a big hit. Anyone who has played as Captain Falcon before can certainly empathize.

Bobby Wagner and Barrett from Final Fantasy VII

Strength(s): Leadership, aren't afraid to dole out some hits
Weakness(es): Mako-infused SOLDIERs, pass coverage

The leading tackler for the Seattle Seahawks this past season, linebacker Bobby Wagner accounted for a combined 120 takedowns this season, and essentially acted as the leader for the Seattle D in just his second year in the league. Like Barrett from Final Fantasy VII—who is the leader of the rebel group, AVALANCHE—Wagner places his body on the line during every game, unafraid to give or take a hit when his team needs it. Wagner is even-keeled compared to a hot-headed character like Barrett, but it should be noted that he does struggle in coverage every now and again. At the end of the day, though, we're just picking nits. Both of these guys are spectacular in their respective fields.

Eric Decker and Tails from the Sonic series

Strength(s): Solid no. 2 option, unflappable sidekick
Weakness(es): Requires a superstar in order to be effective

With Peyton Manning under center, Broncos wide receiver Eric Decker has had another career year as Denver's second option in the passing attack. Like last season, when Manning first arrived in the Mile High City, Decker has boosted his receptions and receiving yards while getting to the end zone 11 times. However, without Manning—or even the Broncos' star receiver Demaryius Thomas—Decker would be nothing. The guy is a solid talent but, let's be honest, he needs help and a veteran quarterback in order to make an impact. To us, that sounds a lot like the popular Sonic sidekick, Miles "Tails" Prower, an energetic young fox known for tagging along with Sonic on all of his adventures. As with Decker, Tails may be fun to play around with, but we all know that he could never carry an entire game all on his own.

Percy Harvin and Mallow from Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars

Strength(s): Big-time playmaking ability, explosiveness
Weakness(es): Soft and easily injured

A big-time offensive threat since his days as a Florida Gator, Seahawks receiver Percy Harvin is—when healthy—one of the most dangerous players in the game. However, that's exactly the problem: the dude gets hurt all of the time. Much like Mallow—the loveable puff ball from Super Mario RPG—one has to assume that Harvin's durability issues stem from a soft frame, and what Mallow had in weakness of tempermant (he was a bit of a crybaby), Harvin matches in his lack of physical fortitude. Also, much like Harvin, Mallow would love Seattle, mostly because it rains all the fucking time.

Knowshon Moreno and Squirtle from the Pokemon series

Strength(s): Tough exterior helps to defend self against enemies
Weakness(es): Leakage

Knowshon Moreno has had a breakout year for the Denver Broncos, gaining over 1,000 yards in a single season for the first time in his career, and becoming the first Broncos running back to notch that total along with 500 receiving yards in a single season. Moreno is a tough, versatile runner who can both run through the tackles and barrel down defenders when he needs to, and because of his compact but durable frame, the Denver playmaker reminds us most of Squirtle. Oh, and also the fact that the two have their patented Water Gun moves. Their flow is unstoppable.

Bruce Irvin and Bane from Arkham Origins

Strength(s): Raw, unstoppable strength
Weakness(es): Substance abuse issues

Seattle Seahawks linebacker Bruce Irvin is one of the most feared defensive presences in the league, having gained the praise of fans and critics alike after tallying 10 sacks in his first-year campaign. However, the part-time defensive end came under fire at the beginning of his sophomore year in the league after he tested positive for banned substances and was suspended for four games. Since then, his second-year has been less spectacular than the first, as Irvin has increased his tackling totals, but gotten to the quarterback less and less. Hmmm...a drop-off in performance after getting busted for drugs. Does that sound at all familiar? The obvious counterpart here is the Bane, of Batman fame, who will always find himself defeated should he get cut off from his precious, strength-providing steroids. We're not saying that Bruce Irvin takes the same stuff as Bane, but it is clear that the guy was getting a little extra help from the wrong sources.