When he's not dropping Southern-fried aphorisms directly to the camera, the newly crowned fictional President of the United States, Frank Underwood, is finding innovative ways to ruin lives. When House of Cards began, it seemed that Underwood's constant screwing of his political rivals was borne of a combination of revenge and efficiency. But by the end of season two, it was clear that Francis sometimes just screws people over for the Hell of it. At this point, he's ruined lives just to avoid a little paperwork.
If Underwood just murdered people (not that he doesn't do that too), House of Cards wouldn't be nearly as fun. One of the joys of watching the series is guessing exactly how Frank is going to ruin each new character's life. As soon as a fresh player is introduced, you start wondering how they will be shuffled off of the chessboard by President Underwood.
As we prepare for a third ride on writer Beau Willimon's epic series, let's take a look back at all of the lives Frank Underwood has ruined on his way to the top. Ranked from mildly inconvenienced to utterly destroyed, here is Everyone Frank Underwood Has Screwed Over on House of Cards (In Order of How Badly He Screwed Them).
27. Jim Matthews
26. Donald Blythe
25. Michael Kern
24. Edward Meechum
What Frank ruined: Meechum's inevitable hookup with Claire
How he ruined it: By inserting himself into the action
Why he ruined it: Because Meechum is a hunk
If Claire and Meechum wanted to invite a man into a three-way, you have to imagine that Kevin Spacey fifteen years after American Beauty would be pretty far down the list. Sure, Frank had the juice to attract Chris Cooper's closeted angry Army man back in the day ...
... but that was a long time ago.
23.
22. David Rasmussen
21. Marty Spinella
20. Linda Vasquez
19. Raymond Tusk
18. Tricia Walker
17. The Neighbors' Dog
16. Adam Galloway
15. Ted Havemeyer
What Frank ruined: A Havemeyer family secret
How he ruined it: By advising Havemeyer's protege to turn on him
Why he ruined it: Because Havemeyer was mentoring the person Frank wanted to mentor
In season two, up and coming congresswoman Jackie Sharp needs to make a decision: should she advance her career or protect her longtime friend and mentor from the prying press? She goes to Frank Underwood for advice, and you'll never guess what he encourages her to do ...
14. Janine Skorsky
13. Freddy Hayes
What Frank ruined: Freddy's restaurant business
How he ruined it: By trying to help him
Why he ruined it: Because everything Frank touches turns to shit
Even when Frank Underwood tries to be helpful, he destroys everything in his wake. After Frank attempted to assist him with expanding his beloved rib joint, Freddy became a political target for those trying to get to Underwood. This lead to the franchising plans being destroyed, his restaurant being sold, and his son violating parole. Hey, what are friends for?
At least Freddy had no illusions about the whole ordeal.
12.
11. Garrett Walker
What Frank ruined: Walker's Presidency
How he ruined it: By creating a scandal that caused his resignation
Why he ruined it: Because Walker snubbed Frank for Secretary of State
It's amazing that President Walker didn't know not to mess with Frank Underwood. The man's reputation precedes him, and Walker's weak ass isn't even close to a match for Frank. The man seems outmatched by his staffers and Secret Service agents, let alone a guy delivers diabolical monologues with bar-b-que sauce all over his face. But, for some reason Walker decided to mess with the bull, and he got the horns.
10.
9. Darnell Hayes
8. Sarah and Kevin Russo
7. Rachel Posner
6. Lucas Goodwin
What Frank ruined: Goodwin's criminal record
How he ruined it: By setting Goodwin up for data theft crimes
Why he ruined it: Because Goodwin fell in unrequited love with a girl who was totally out of his league
No one deserves to be set up for federal crimes by a hacker turned FBI informant, but Lucas's moping and sniveling ever since his first date with Zoe was enough to make us root for his swift exit from the series. The tortured lover is now doing a decade in lockdown for trying to get to the bottom of Zoe's murder. If Lucas hadn't gone to jail, he would have probably just spent his days mansplaining feminism to interns or something, so honestly, we as the audience might be better off. At least we have Lucas to thank for this line:
5.
4. Xander Feng
3. Peter Russo
2. Zoe Barnes
What Frank ruined: Her life (that is, Frank killed her)
How he ruined it: By tossing her ass in front of a subway car
Why he ruined it: Because she got nosy enough that their romance was no longer worth it
Poor Zoe Barnes is easily the most screwed over of all of President's Underwood's victims. Sure, Underwood has been responsible for a handful of deaths, but none as sudden as Zoe's. There were no touching parting word for Barnes like there were for Frank Russo. There was no satisfyingly diabolical political trap like there was for Xander Feng. Frank just threw her ass in front of a subway car while wearing a fedora. That's about as cold as it gets.