15 Things To Avoid While Taking That Gym Selfie

Image via Complex Original

Even if you went to the gym just to stage a photo shoot, you need to make it look like you went there to workout and just decided to snap a picture because you're "so random" like that. Before you take out the smartphone, make sure that you do a couple sets of curls, or jump on the treadmill for a few minutes, so you're "glowing" a bit. If you're really pressed for time, casually throw some water on yourself so that it at least looks like you worked up a sweat.

Here's yet another fine line you'll have to walk when taking that gym selfie. It's important that it looks like the workout is hard, but that it isn't hard for you to do. In the picture above, this workout looks pretty tough for the People's Champ. If I hadn't watched thousands of hours of professional wrestling featuring dozens of People's Elbows, I would say he looks like a wimp. What you're looking for here is effortless effort, not vein-popping strain. Pro Tip: you may want to consider dropping a few pounds off of your normal workout when taking a selfie. You want enough weight that your veins pop, but not enough that the lift looks like too much of a challenge. It needs to look like you're making your workout your bitch, not the other way around.

Also, you need time for your friend to find the right angle.

If you're experimenting with the newest Crossfit-meets-P90X-meets-Zumba workout, that's fine, but don't take a selfie until you're finished. Gym selfies should be done while curling, benching, or doing cable workouts: vanity workouts only, people. If you're on a complicated machine or attempting an unorthodox body weight workout there's no way you're going to get an optimal selfie. Even if you have to pretend to curl or bench for your selfie, the results will be worth the acting job.

There are three acceptable faces for the gym selfie: smiling, chill brah, and working-out-so-damn-hard-I'm-going-to-burst-a-vein. There's no room for goofy or flirty faces in these pictures. This is serious business. If you want to come off as a goofy, fun-loving guy, save it for an impromptu bar pic. A gym selfie is meant to show the world that you are the definition of man—and a man does not have the bill of a duck.

We don't know if the above picture is in the gym bathroom or the food court bathroom at the mall. With a gym selfie, you do want to show off your body, sure, but you should also show people that you were at the gym taking care of said body. If you're in the locker room, in front of the shower, or out amongst the weights, then you're good to go. A picture of you flexing in a overhead-fluorescent lit bathroom is going to evoke truck stops and fast food restaurants, not fitness.

Yes, the purpose of this selfie is to show off your muscles, but the face is one of the most important parts and should be shown off as well. First off, if your face is completely covered, there will be some doubt as to who that body really belongs to. Also, if you do have online admirers, they'll appreciate the personal touch of being able to look into your eyes as they ogle you via social media. Remember, your eyes are the window to the soul, and that remains true even if you are soulless enough to snap selfies at the gym.

Nobody should be skipping their leg day, but no man should be taking selfies on leg day either. Women often look quite sexy on the squat rack. Men look like they're fighting a losing battle with constipation. Not only is a squatting selfie unflattering, but it's also unhealthy. Pausing to snap a photo mid-squat could lead to serious injury. Don't squat and selfie people: it's hazardous to your health and your personal brand.

What is this guy in the striped shirt thinking? He's never going to get laid with this dude in the yellow sharing photo space with him. Any real photographer will tell you that photos are all about perspective. How large or small you look is completely dependent on what else is in the frame. It might not be a bad idea to recruit some of your skinnier friends to stand deep in the background during your selfie shoot to make your 'ceps look even larger. Get creative here. A true selfie artist utilizes the entire frame.

What do we know about this man? Yeah, he's in the gym, but, isn't showing that you've gotten results the most important part of a gym selfie? At best, we're seeing how shrugs have added some definition to that space between his shoulders. If you haven't gotten the results that a gyn selfie could help show off, then, my son, you're not yet at the point where you should be taking gym selfies.

Make sure you've got the confidence to snap a selfie. You're taking a picture of yourself—you have to be totally vain to do that. Embrace it. It's not like this is a pool party or camping trip and you can pretend the picture taking session came about organically. You were working out, something that's private, and yet here you are with your phone raised to the mirror. If you're going to do it, own it. Nothing less than a look of complete confidence in your cut bod will suffice.

This guy is pretty fit, but we don't exactly know how fit. What's being held in place by that tight-ass shirt, and what has he earned on his own? In this click-a-second world you can't leave your audience second-guessing your gym selfie. It might be hard to bring yourself to take a shirtless selfie because it looks douchey, but you're going to have to find a way to show off your results without it looking like you're cheating the system. A loose tank top is usually pretty good for this. But even if you have to take your gym selfie in a billowy t-shirt, that's still better than being branded a gym selfie cheater. If we don't have integrity in our gym selfies, then what are we left with?

Rarely would a man take a belfie (butt-selfie) as extreme as the one pictured above unless it were for the sake of a joke. Just in case you were tempted to try a belfie of your own, know that the unironic male belfie is unacceptable. Even turning thirty degrees to the side and lifting up your shirt a bit to show off your squat work is a no-no. Men: do not take belfies under any circumstances. If you feel you have a nice ass, then find a way to get photographed wearing some tight jeans while playing pick-up football in the backyard, a la Brett Favre, or while working on a farm somewhere. Feel free to get creative when thinking of ways to show off that hard-earned ass, but under no circumstances should you be taking a gym belfie.

Gentlemen, spare us. Perhaps you've seen this move practiced by buff guys who pose for finer female-geared pictorials and thought you should try it in your profile pic. Don't. The only thing worse than almost seeing your dick is actually seeing your dick, and none of that should be happening on Facebook. If you must take a picture where you're guiding the viewer gently down your happy trail, save it for Snapchat and keep that shit on lockdown.

You will not be my fitsperation. I repeat, you will not be my fitsperation. It's vain enough that you have posted a shirtless fitness selfie for the world to see; don't go fishing for compliments and digital pats on the back by reminding us how much worse you looked six months ago. It's impressive that you managed to cut back to three beers a night and that you stumbled to the gym every day despite your hangover, but it's the sort of impressiveness you need to keep to yourself. If you really have transformed yourself, the people you encounter on a daily basis will notice and let you know that you're looking good. Let's keep the before and after photos where they belong: on infomercials and in pop-up ads extolling the virtues of acai berries.

Adding text to selfies is only for self-styled fitness gurus and weight lifting bloggers. Odds are that you have a friend who fancies themselves one of these two things. Once they start adding words of motivational wisdom to their selfies, it's time for an intervention. If you find yourself doing it, you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, and you need to do so without taking a picture or flexing. No one looks at photos of you accompanied by lines like "no pain no gain" and "one rep at a time" and leaves inspired. The only thing these photos will inspire is an increased hatred of the subject.