When so many achieved so much in 2015, it's sometimes hard to remember all those lost souls who have taken losses. For every person emerging from a boutique with a pair of Yeezy Boosts, we seem to forget about the many poor people out there going home empty handed.
In the year of DJ Khaled's relentless optimism and advice to never take an L or play yourself became the stuff of legend, let's share a moment of silence for all those poor Australians who did in fact play themselves in 2015. Bow your head in quiet reflection for 15 of the biggest L's in 2015.
Karmichael Hunt
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"Never rat on your friends, and keep your mouth shut" – Jimmy Conway, Goodfellas.
Sports stars fall out of favour with the public on an almost weekly basis, that's a given, but Karmichael Hunt was special in 2015. Charged with possessing and supplying cocaine, Hunt suddenly faced losing a two million-dollar deal at Rugby's Queensland Reds. Rather than drop two mill of his own, Hunt instead dropped a dime on his former teammates, implicating 12 Gold Coast Suns players in a cocaine ring. After his (rumoured) three million dollar Suns contract netted six goals in 44 games, the shameless snitching was basically Hunt burning the bridge and pissing on the ashes. –Steve Duck
Meredith’s Bieber Haters
While Meredith Music Festival may be well known as a haven for the country’s favourite indie artists, Andrew Levins, also known as DJ Levins, just doesn’t particularly give a shit about that. In a move that required a significant amount of testicular fortitude, he decided to play one of the most popular songs from one of the most popular artists of our generation – Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ – during his DJ set at the bohemian festival.
While video documenting the momentous occasion shows the majority of the crowd actually singing along to the tune, before Levins exclaims “fuck every person here who doesn’t love Bieber!”, the typical rabble took to Instagram to express their extreme disapproval. Some dubbed it “the worst moment in Meredith history” and another posted the following:
“Fuck you for the worst set at Meredith, you kook, Meredith is a no dick head realm.”
This user, not realising he was in fact the dickhead all along, was trolled by hundreds of people, all responding to his original comment with “who cares”. Meanwhile, Levins has further proven he still simply does not give a shit:
I only played Bieber so I could have more stupid articles written about me than @donjoyride did after he told Chet Faker to suck him off
— LEVINS (@levdawg) December 15, 2015Salim Mehajer
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Since his extravagant (and completely reckless) wedding in August this year, NSW councilor Salim Mehajer simply can’t stay out of the headlines. From an out-of-court settlement for running over old ladies in his Ferrari, allegations of intimidation and corruption, launching a bid to buy Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs NRL team to even declaring he wants to run for Prime Minister (via A Current Affair, while standing behind a lectern), Mehajer is never far from controversy. Being in a position of political and financial influence is probably the dream for many, but what is all that suffering for success worth when your new bride has, via cosmetic surgery and deed poll, basically become your sister? Congratulations, you just played yourself. –Andrew Nguyen
Ben Ross
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This is harsh, I know. I legitimately feel bad for the guy. But also, this was 100% a loss for Ben Ross.
Losing an arm wrestle is an embarrassing thing to suffer through. Even if there's only one person watching, you've still taken a big L. Losing an arm wrestle on TV? Far worse. Losing an arm wrestle and having your arm broken in three places? That is the kind of L you might never recover from. But hey, Ben Ross played three seasons of rugby league after breaking his neck in 2009, so he'll probably recover from this one too. –Steve Duck
AJ Maddah
NSW Rugby League
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After 2014 saw NSW take out their first Origin series in 9 long years, the stage was set for a new era in Origin. Queensland were too old, and the young legs of NSW were going to trample the likes of Corey Parker and Justin Hodges. After a 52-6 game three thumping though, the Blues are back to Laurie’s drawing board, and the question remains – when will NSW ever string two series wins together? When Queensland's dominant halves duo Thurston and Cronk finally retire, Anthony Milford and Ben Hunt will step right in to the 6 and 7 jerseys, while the Cockroaches will likely still be experimenting with halves combinations. Someone get Jarryd Hayne back here ASAP. –Steve Duck
Tyler The Creator Fans
In a case of the exact opposite situation occurring, Tyler The Creator, who was set to tour in September, first announced to his fans that he had been banned from the country when he actually hadn’t been at all. Weeks later, he randomly decided to ban himself instead, by cancelling the Australian leg of the tour and making the following statement:
"We would much rather come to Australia when it isn't surrounded in controversy. I love my fans there and hopefully I'll be back soon. Don't do drugs."
Tyler blamed everything on activist group Collective Shout, and named Coralie Alison specifically, who had been heading the campaign against the rapper due to some of his early lyrics which they thought glorified violence against women. Of course, a certain sub-set of Tyler fans decided to take their rage out on Alison, by bombarding her with messages about mutilating, raping and murdering her. Not feeding into exactly what they expected of you at all there, guys. –Dan Pardalis
David Witko
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You’ve gotta hand it to the casting team at Channel 10. I’ve never watched an episode of The Bachelor/Bachelorette, but enough wild shit happens on these shows that I’m familiar with key events from every season. In 2015, ‘international model’ David Witko took a brilliant loss, needing only two episodes to turn the entire country against him. Appearing on camera as a self-obsessed weirdo, claiming he "didn't choose to be a model" and figuring the only way Bachelorette Sam Frost wasn't interested in him was because she was some sort of materialistic monster should have been enough, but some dudes just can't take the L and move on. After being eliminated, Yung Witko went out in a blaze of glory, telling Frost he was psyched to be out before taking that lonely cab ride home.
It still wasn't enough though, as Witko followed up the embarrassment with this weird "comedy" video referencing the whole ordeal. Let it go dogg, it's over. –Steve Duck
Operation Fortitude
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With the entire world watching in disbelief as Donald Trump keeps winning popular support on the back of an anti-immigration policy, let us not forget that Australian governments haven’t had the best year either. On a late spring day, the Federal Government announced that the Australian Border Force would begin “random Visa checks” on unsuspecting people in the Melbourne CBD. After a collective moment of stunned amazement at the announcement of authorised racial profiling, the protest-loving Melbourne public took quickly to social media to mobilise against the ABF, trapping the newly founded unit within the famous Flinders St Station. Thankfully, Operation Fortitude was cancelled before any permanent damage was done, but this event only serves to remind the Australian public that we aren’t immune to moments of madness from our government. Stay Woke Australia. –Andrew Nguyen
Chris Brown Fans
Dustin Martin
We have an epidemic of domestic violence in this country, with women literally dying at the hands of their partners. Despite the increased national awareness of the issue, it’s unfortunately athletes who are normalising the behaviour. When Richmond’s Dustin Martin flew into a rage and threatened to kill a woman with chopsticks in a Japanese restaurant, it was not only Martin taking the L, but the Richmond Tigers, the AFL and all the young kids out there who look up to the guy can chalk this up as a loss too. –Steve Duck
Tony Abbott
Robert Allenby
He claims to have been drugged, beaten and kidnapped in Hawaii, but the more popular theory is far more incriminating. Pro golfer Robert Allenby was allegedly black-out drunk after racking up a US$4300 tab at a strip club, passed out on the curb, hit his head on a rock, and woke up two hours later with his wallet missing. Police arrested a man for the theft, but never investigated the kidnapping claims. And this was only January. Later in the year, Allenby was voted the third-least popular golfer among his peers in an ESPN player poll, and had a caddie walk off on him mid-round for the fourth time in his career. At that point he was left to quite literally play himself. –Steve Duck
