That giant friggin king cobra that has been giving everyone in Florida nightmares since it escaped on Sept. 1 was finally found today after a lady heard a hissing sound under her clothes dryer (aka nightmare shit) and called animal control.
Because the only thing worse than doing clothes is possibly being bitten by one of the world's most venomous snakes while looking for the dryer sheets.
The Orlando Sentinel reported that while officers were trying to capture the 10-foot snake it escaped their grasp and extended its body straight up to become as tall as one of the 5-foot-6 officers (aka super nightmare shit).
The snake was captured in the Orlando suburb of Ocoee, only a few hundred feet from its owners' home where it escaped from.
Mike Kennedy, the snake's owner, reportedly pleaded not guilty this week to a misdemeanor charge of failing to immediately report that the snake had gone missing. He didn't make the call until the next day and will face a jury trial.
His wife told Fox 411 that the snake's escape "has been so difficult to go through as a family, and it has really taken a toll."
Okay, sure, it's been tough on you, but maybe first you should apologize to every one of your neighbors within five mile radius and also the elementary school kids who haven't been allowed outside for recess for the past month.
