Oh, America — land of Texans fatally insistent on swimming with hungry alligators, Floridians so determined to experience multiple public copulations that they do it in front of (surely entertained?) children, and now an Iowan legally named Deez Nuts who just decided to run for president because, you know, why not?
Nuts filed the necessary paperwork with the Federal Election Commission (FEC) on Sunday, citing that the Nuts campaign will avoid the traditional nomenclature of both Democrats and Republicans to instead run as an Independent. However, Independents have a long history of not really winning much of anything — a fact which hasn't deterred one Donald "Troll Me Harder" Trump from declaring that he may join the Independent movement if the Republican party "didn't treat him fairly."
In a perfect world beautifully punishing world, Trump and Nuts would simply join forces – finally forming the political duo the Republican party deserves: Trump Nuts 2016. Hell, they could even slap the name onto small bags of peanuts and hawk them at the next Kid Rockshow.
