If the end of the world is ever upon us, CNN has a prerecorded video segment that they'll pay to say goodbye — and it will practically bore you to tears. Last night on Last Week With John Oliver, John Oliver riffed on CNN's doomsday video, which was produced in the very early days of CNN — so at least it's mildly comforting that they haven't been able to use it yet. The video is internally labeled with "[Hold for release] until end of the world confirmed," and Oliver pointed out that CNN would wait until humanity's last breath to confirm something. 

The video is actually pretty dull, with a band playing "Nearer My God To Thee," which is incorrectly described as the song played onboard when the Titanic sank. (Oliver and everyone else knows that the last thing heard on the Titanic heard was Celine Dion's angelic voice, duh.)

So instead of settling for mediocre apocalypse television, Oliver created his own end times video, narrated by Martin Sheen. It celebrates mankind's greatest accomplishments, like peanut butter, water slides, the discovery of fire, and being the only animals that evolved to walk on two feet and then invented ways not to. It's not the apocalypse video send-off we deserve, but it's the apocalypse video send-off we need.