It’s kind of ironic how, in an attempt to quantify his wife’s refusal to have sex with him, one husband has ensured that he won’t be getting laid at any point in the next year, or possibly five.

The frustrated wife took to reddit to vent, writing that “My husband [M26] sent me [F26] an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact.”

The full story has since emerged, again from the wife’s perspective. She says:

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part.

The aforementioned spreadsheet is above.

While we applaud this type of rigorous data analysis as a general practice in one’s life, it’s probably best to keep Excel out of the bedroom. Nobody in the history of the world has ever said “check out this spreadsheet,” then immediately had sex as a result.

We have to admire the husband’s persistence, considering that at least twice the wife said she smelled awful and yet he still went for it. In any case, we would probably suggest that this couple of 26-year-olds get into therapy, or at the very least work on their conditional formatting for version 2.0 of the sex spreadsheet.

[via US Magazine]