Okay, so maybe the good 'ol USA isn't #1 at soccer...but who cares about soccer? After Tuesday's result, certainly not most Americans. We're too busy being the #1 militaristic power in the history of the world, the #1 economic power in the history of the world, and the planet's leading technology innovator to lose sleep over some damn Brazilian footy tournament.  

Today marks America's 238th birthday, and to celebrate the triumph that is the United States we're going to show you why our country isn't just the best at wars, real sports, obesity, and spying, but why we're actually the greatest tech nation on earth as well. South Korea, Sweden, and Japan don't have shit on a country technologically advanced enough to offer its people THREE different types of Doritos-flavored taco shells.

So to celebrate our collective technological might, we present the 9 Reasons Why America Is The #1 Tech Country In The History Of Planet Earth.