Everyone's a Critic: 9 Hilarious Restaurant Reviews on MenuPages

Finding the perfect restaurant in any city is a challenge. In New York, it appears that a new restaurant opens its doors everyday, creating an over-saturated environment that can overwhelm the average eater. Fear not! Combing through some of the most insightful hilarious, "brief" restaurant reviews on MenuPages.com is the perfect way to navigate your options without actually learning anything. There are some truly absurd entries written by experienced patrons/bitter urban skeptics who have clearly encountered one-too-many culinary cautionary tales at questionable food establishments. Caustic with petty aggravations sprinkled throughout, these are the 9 most hilarious (least helpful) reviews on MenuPages. Prospective eaters, rejoice.

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Funniest line: "Don't even get me started on the pretentious fajita."

Blatant indication that someone missed one too many therapy sessions: describing a quesadilla as one would a pair of control-top pantyhose.

Funniest line: "...had to listen to them debate if another staff member 'sharted' himself."

This pasta is missing something. I know! It needs a subtle fecal flavor to really take it up a notch.

Funniest line: "I tried to force myself to eat it all because I spent all the money I had that day on it but I just couldn't do it."

Pro Tip: Spending your last dime on some tacos is a bad idea.

Funniest line: "Honestly, I can't say anything about their food because I've never had it."

Presented without comment.

Funniest line: "Like China only closer."

It's like Mexico only it's 7/11 and my taquito smells like a hot dog...

Funniest line: "If you want a toasted bagel, go to Texas."

Riiiiiiiiight. The next time I want a good lox and schmear, I'll be sure to go to the land of Rick Perry. Can I have beef jerky on my bagel, too?

Funniest line: "Come for the refried beans! Stay for the burn!"

First you eat the beans, then you feel the burn. Spicy in, spicy out. NOTED.

Funniest line: "'truejamacan' didn't even know how to spell 'Sorrel.'"

This guy's tone is jamakin' me lol. Nonsense. Delightful.

Funniest line: "If you don't love WO HOP, then your tastebuds are ignorant."

This person thinks that your taste buds need to go back to school.