Do you suffer from Phantom-vibration syndrome or Scrotal hyperthermia? Chances are you probably do, but don't even realize it (or, like most people I know, just deny any symptoms to begin with). But such are the consequences of being raised in a digital era. In this week's New York magazine, Clint Rainey takes a close look at the most common sicknesses that arise from being plugged into social media and the Internet 24-7. Check out a few of the tech-induced ailments below, and pray to Grumpy Cat that it's not too late to change your ways:

Laptop thigh (erythema ab igne)
Also called “toasted-skin syndrome,” it’s achieved when casings reach 110 degrees underneath (some can get as hot as 125), leaving legs pockmarked with discoloring burns—though only a handful of cases exist in medical literature.

iPosture (cervicalgia)
Eighty-four percent of 18-to-24-year-olds report neck and backaches in the past year. As it happens, more than8 trillion texts were sent during that time, giving the global condition its catchy if clichéd name, first introduced by a British health-care provider.

Texting thumb (tendinitis)
Tendinitis in overworked thumbs (other names: “BlackBerry thumb,” “Nintendoitis,” “injurwii”) is on the rise, orthopedists say. This summer, U.K. cell carrier O2 introduced 65-gram “Thumbells” to customers “to make suretheir thumbs are well looked after.”

Scrotal hyperthermia
As the testes get warmer, sperm production halts, with effects potentially lasting months. Research shows that if literally atop the lap, laptops can increase that region’s temperature—normally a balmy 93—by more than six degrees in one hour.

Phantom-vibration syndrome
Also jokingly called ring-xiety, the belief that your phone is vibrating or ringing when it’s not affects as many as seven in ten cell-phone users. Though its main effect is annoyance, research suggests stress can exacerbate incidence.

[via New York]