By now, every single one of you has run an unsuccessful Kickstarter campaign. This new technology rite of passage has replaced vlogging as the preferred way for twenty-somethings to embarass themselves. Whether you develop an interest in filmmaking, becoming a graphic novelist, or making giant, inflatable sculptures of 80s pop star's heads, Kickstarter is the best place for you to fail at making your dreams come true in front of your friends and family. But you already knew that; we saw your Kickstarter. It was stupid.

Now that you have failed, you are probably asking yourself, "What can I do differently next time I try to force people to give me money?" Well, aspiring artist who is about to go off and beg for mommy and daddy's cash, we're here to help. There are any number of reasons a Kickstarter can fail. Maybe your project is just like something we've seen before. Maybe it is too "out there." Maybe we just don't like you. Unfortunately, you can't fix a defective personality, but there are a number of issues you can fix to kickstart your Kickstarter or make your Indiegogo go. It's your lucky day, you banjo-playing, installation-art making, artisinal candle selling son of a gun, beause I'm going to tell you 20 Reasons I'm Not Donating to Your Kickstarter.