Played by: Ed O'Neill and Sofia Vergara

Jay is an old guy who won the lottery. Jay is the kind of old guy other old guys look at and think, "You lucky bastard." Sofia Vergara is the most overtly sexual woman to ever appear on a sitcom, and here she is shackled to a dude in his Viagra years.

Can an older man really have much in common with a woman 27 years younger than he is? What does she see in him? Security? Maybe she looks up to him. Maybe he's a father-figure type. We don't really know. What does he see in her? Sexy sex sexiness with extra hot sexy sauce and a side of sex with sexy sex. Boner.