If, for whatever reason, you get caught masturbating behind a convenience store, don't tell the police that it was because your pants shrunk. They won't believe you.

25-year-old Scott E. Smith was caught having his way with himself behind a Uni-Mart in Penn Township, PA on Jan. 29 by police. When a concerned officer asked him why his penis was out, he explained that it was because his pants shrunk. This happens to everyone, right?

This is where the story gets really sad. Smith owned up to masturbating behind the Uni-Mart because he was depressed. Feeling compelled to confess to past mistakes, he also admitted to flashing a woman and her daughter in December. 

Times are clearly hard for Smith (no pun intended), and they're about to get harder.

[via The Huffington Post]