These crusty breakfast offerings excited you when you were a kid bolting downstairs every Saturday morning to watch Recess. The 'pastries' never tasted anything like their advertised flavor, but you didn't care as long as the sprinkles and frosting were some absurdly unnatural hue.

Newsflash: you're in college now. You have facial hair, probably, and study philosophy, or work a legitimate job somewhere. Perhaps it's time to eat pastries that don't ooze cherry-flavored glue.

[Ed. Nobody said anything about the icing packets though – while arguably still glue-like, those are definitely fair game.]