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We have good news: Every woman has the potential to be a freak. We also have bad news: If, at this moment in time, her wild side is still lying dormant, it's probably your own fault.
Don't beat yourself up over all that ho-hum, vanilla sex you've been having. There is a better sex life waiting in the wings. And, yes, by better we mean much, much weirder. Here's your definitive guide to awakening her inner she-devil. Caution, this may result in sleepless nights: How To Bring Out Your Girl's Inner Freak.
By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)
Everyone has a fetish. It’s your job to find hers.
Inside every woman is a sexual beast just waiting to break free. We truly believe that. So chances are, if you haven't seen her wilder side, the issue lies with you. You need to be game to patiently coax it out.
Think of kinks as a wall of candy in clear plastic bins. Even if you think she doesn't have a sweet tooth, there will be one candy in the store that will make her change her mind. For most women, there are even several. It's your job to diligently try them all with her. Dirty talk leave a bitter taste in her mouth? Maybe role-playing is more her style. Maybe she has a thing for spankings. It's your job to figure out what her flavor of choice is, and encourage her to indulge.
Don’t spring anything on her in the dark.
The key to a woman having positive associations with a new sexual experiences is making her feel safe and valued. Take it upon yourself to test something out without understanding her feelings about it first, and she won't feel either. She'll feel like she’s been violated and disrespected, and it won't bode well for your future sexual endeavors.
If you want to do something you haven't done before, always talk about it before you try it. It doesn’t have to be a board meeting. You can tell her about that crazy move you'd like to try and tell her how much it would turn you on, and ask if she feels comfortable trying it. Reassure her if she doesn't like it, you'll stop, no questions asked. Then, instead of having an angry woman on your hands, she's open, ready, and willing. Clearly, that makes for a better night.
Make her feel like the sexiest woman on earth.
Confidence breeds freakiness. If your woman feels irresistible in her skin, and she knows you find every inch of her enticing, she wont hesitate to put herself in less than flattering positions, try weird things, or touch herself in front of you. She’ll have no doubts that you’re enjoying the show.
If you're the kind of guy who feels uncomfortable doling out compliments, start expressing yourself more. Don't assume she knows how sexy you find her ankles, the curve of her hips, her waist, her mouth—we're sure your list goes on and on, just make sure she knows that! A self-assured woman is the one who will be outgoing and adventurous in bed. And while much of that confidence should be innate to her, if she's lacking, you should be committed to showing her just how stunning you find her, flaws and all.
Get her worked up.
Get her to the point of no return and make your suggestions then. Take it to the next level when she’s physically and mentally amped, and she’ll be more open-minded and in the moment. It will just add to the already awesome sex you're having, and more than likely, make it even hotter.
The benefits of this are two-fold. The positive sexual experience you shared, aside from being great in itself, will also pave the road for future freaky exploits. The next time you suggest something wild, she'll have an almost Pavlovian response to stepping out of her comfort zone. She’ll immediately become excited remembering that time she allowed herself to be talked into something new, and how much she enjoyed it. Who in their right mind would say no to round two if round one was mind-blowing? That's right—no one.
Encourage her enthusiasm.
Continuing on that positive reinforcement tip, you should always encourage her kinks rather than attempting to guilt her into it. Yes, telling her about your supafreak ex-girl, and comparing her unfavorably is guilting her into it. As is pouting when she says no, or telling her how boring she is in bed, or likening sex with her to humping a corpse. These are fighting words that will make her feel pressured and self-conscious, and they won't work in your favor.
Instead, reassure her. If she gets slightly freakier than usual one night, confess that you enjoyed the sex even more than usual. Tell her you find her most attractive when she's uninhibited, and she’ll be more likely to keep bringing her freak-game to the table.
The more you encourage her creativity, the more passionate she’ll become about sex. Not just having it, but experimenting with it, making it fun, exciting and unpredictable.
Buy her a toy.
Presents are awesome. Sex toys as presents are even better. Just because she hasn't taken the initiative to pick up something from an adult store, doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy a toy or two. Start small (say, a vibrator) and be sure you emphasize that the focus is on her pleasure. If she likes it (and chances are, she will), you can gradually introduce weirder stuff. Work up to the point where the two of you go together and pick out something new. Toys are great for discovering her hidden erogenous zones, and novel experiences are great for bonding. It's a win-win scenario.
What's her fantasy?
We can tell you right now that you will never find her inner-freak by trying to fulfill your own fantasies. The express route to freakdom is figuring out hers.
Start by having an honest conversation about what turns her on. What does she think about when she's alone in bed? Are there any things that turn her on that she's never shared? Reassure her nothing is off-limits, and that nothing will offend you or disgust you. Treat her every admission seriously, and make it a point to make things happen, rather than going at it the other way around and trying to meet your own needs first. Which brings us to our next point...
Be more selfless.
Focus on her pleasure rather than yours. Make sure she’s orgasming and enjoying herself, every time. Be devoted to discovering her every erogenous zone. Find things that turn her on she didn’t realize existed. So when you suggest something new, she’ll know it’s not for selfish reasons, but because you truly think she’ll enjoy it.
Sometimes women get so caught up in their partner's pleasure that it can feel like sex, and even climaxing, is a show. Reassure her that being freaky is not that hyper-exaggerated spectacle she sees in adult films. It’s not a performance. It’s about figuring out what truly gets you going, and being fully, passionately committed to the experience. It’s not about the theatrics, it’s about giving in to real pleasure.
Learn together.
We know, we know. We've been focusing on her so much, but the truth is, you have a ton to learn yourself. You have secret spots and strange fantasies, too. The key to each of you finding fulfillment is figuring out what works together. Don't just expect her to be open-minded; you have to take risks together.
Doing something neither of you have done before makes it a bonding experience. It could go terribly wrong, result in rug burns, or turn out to be LOL-worthy rather than O-worthy, but you did it together. You can laugh it off together. Or, in the case of that nasty rug burn, heal together.
Establish a strong sense of trust.
Having freaky sex is largely dependent on trust. She needs to be completely sure that if she makes a weird sound, or laughs because she's nervous, or gets turned on by something completely bizarre, you won’t judge. Nothing could possibly weird you out or turn you off. You’ll be loving, accepting and happy to have the experience together, regardless of whether she orgasms or not.
At the end of the day, if a woman is mentally and emotionally engaged, she can be sexually engaged on almost any level. If you want her open, ready and willing, you need to start at her brain, hit her heart, and slowly work your way down. That's the only path to having that filthy, depraved, "What the hell did we do last night?" sex. Establish trust, and her freaky side will follow, we promise.
