Clearly desperate, 61-year-old Fredrick Denney locked himself in his hotel room and threatened to shoot police unless he was provided pizza and Paris Hilton's hand in marriage. It doesn't exactly work that way in 2012, fam.

Denney barricaded himself inside of his Hampton Inn room in Belmont, N.C., for hours, eventually drawing a SWAT Team. After attempts at entertaining his ridiculous demands failed (of course), they took him down with pepper spray. If you're going to create a disturbance of that magnitude, you should aim higher than Paris Hilton. We understand the heiress factor, but still.

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[via NY Daily News]