5. Jason Stackhouse

Poor Jason. With no supernatural powers (as of yet) and an abnormally low IQ to boot, he was bound to be the underdog of the True Blood bachelors. The only things he really has going for him are six-pack abs and a shiny deputy's badge. Women dig both of those, but neither has prevented the ladies from putting him under lock and key, literally. The guy has been tied to the bed and left for dead not once, but twice—first, by a vengeful booty call in Season 1, and most recently by his werepanther boo Crystal, who lead a procreation gang rape of him in the hopes of making some (slightly less) retarded werepanther babies.

Hey, everyone has made bad calls in their love life, but Jason's squirrel brain (Gotta get a nut! Gotta get a nut!) shows exceptionally poor judgment. Having tangled with married women, earth-hugging V-addicts, and white trash werepanthers, we think Jason might just be better off just taking a break from the game for awhile. But wait, can you clear a head that is already blank?