The uniform: knee-high tube socks, neon tanks, all sorts of sweatbands, and tiny-ass shorts. The tools: cans of beer and roller skates (you can rent on-site). The soundtrack: anything that could've reasonably appeared on the Carwash or Dolemite soundtrack. This is Down & Derby NYC.

The basement of the Hudson Hotel becomes a roller rink tomorrow from 9 p.m. till 4 a.m. All those roller rink birthday parties you attended as child—now's the time to make up for all the missed opportunities to shake it correctly and talk to the girls your 9-year-old self was oblivious to. Put some PBR in your life and pretend you can skate. You won't feel the bruises till tomorrow.

Rok One, of the Bangers, with DJ’s VDRK & Free Magic of the DISCOVERY fame spin the necessary tunes. Once you've RSVP'd, admission is five bones. O, let's do this.

Down & Derby NYC
Friday, April 15
9 p.m.
Good Units (basement of Hudson Hotel)
356 West 58th St, New York
Tickets $5 (at the door with RSVP)