The Thought Police—it’s what the Hip-Hop Police would’ve been called if more rappers practiced original ideas instead of following record labels’ trends. In this adaptation of the great George Orwell novel, the Thought Police oversee a dystopian society in which independent contemplation is illegal; Under their rule, keeping a diary or journal is a punishable crime. Furthermore, the Ministry of Truth’s workers rewrite history according the Ministry’s preferences, employed by Big Brother, whose face is broadcast on giant TV screens in vintage propaganda-spewing fashion. The fact that the term “Big Brother” originated with Orwell isn’t why we’ve ranked Nineteen Eighty-Four as top dog here—there’s nothing scarier than having free thought stripped away. In Orwell’s creation, we’d be tortured simply for daydreaming about freeing Charlie Sheen’s sexy ”goddesses” from the madman’s clutches and then having a celebratory three-way. So, in other words, there’d be tasers jammed into our throats right about now.