Maybe it's just me, but as an avid baker and hip-hop enthusiast, those two things just seem to go together well. I run a baking business on the side, and almost every cake has been made to some rap album; there's nothing like folding egg whites into sponge cake batter as ScHoolboy's blaring in your kitchen.
So, naturally, I wanted to bring the two together for P&P. But I didn't want to stop at rap lyrics on cake; Drake on Cake has already been doing that, and girl has been doing it damn well.
While brainstorming on how I could force this marriage between the two loves of my life, I had an epiphany: a common theme within rap actually is cake, even if it isn't the edible variety (well, maybe the edible variety—whatever floats your boat). And considering the abundance of songs about ass and its many fine qualities, it wasn't hard to find the best ones for adorning baked goods.
A lot of thought was put into the cake themselves—their flavors, the variety, the colors—and were inspired by a specific lyric, the rapper behind the song, and/or the music video.
Without further ado, I present unto you iconic rap lyrics about asses, delicately frosted onto cakes.
"Ms. Fat Booty"
Cake: Brownstone front cake with milk chocolate icing
Yasiin Bey pka Mos Def's "Ms. Fat Booty" tells a classic tale of a man falling in lust with a heavy-bottomed woman, but ultimately finds himself catching feels and getting played. Very respectfully referring to his love interest as Ms. Fat Booty, it's a song that's as relatable as it is ridiculous.
I wasn't about to sculpt a well-endowed young woman with cake, so instead, I took one lyric from the song—"Ass so fat you could see it from the front"—and ran with it. The brownstone front cake is apparently a New York classic, and as Mos Def hails from Brooklyn, it seemed fitting.
"Back that azz up"
Cake: Traditional Mardi Gras king cake
Juvenile's "Back That Azz Up" leaves very little to the imagination, from the lyrical content to its accompanying visuals. So, instead of looking into the song and trying to read between the lines (or cheeks—ha), I looked towards Juvenile himself for inspiration.
The rapper hails from New Orleans, and the first thing that comes to mind for me when I hear "New Orleans" is Mardi Gras. King cake is a must-have during the season, a deliciously soft "cake" that uses a yeast dough and is filled to the brim with a cinnamon sugar butter... so yes, I pathetically almost ate half of it in one sitting.
Traditionally, a little plastic baby (like, literally—a plastic figurine of a baby) is hidden inside the cake to represent baby Jesus. Nowadays, it symbolizes luck and prosperity for whoever finds it in the cake, and while it's tradition, I personally find it creepy and worthy of being labelled a choking hazard, so no baby went into my cake.
"All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho"
Cake: Vanilla funfetti birthday slab cake with funfetti frosting
As if one could possibly bake cakes featuring lyrics about butts without including 2 Chainz's "Birthday Song." The inspiration was in the title, so I went for a classic birthday slab cake—you know, one you could probably pick up at your local grocery store, except this has what everyone actually wants for their birthday written on it (butts—the people want butts).
"Baby got back"
Cake: Chinese lotus seed paste birthday buns
Yes, I know. These aren't "cakes," per se. Traditionally, though, we the Chinese don't really have birthday cakes. Instead, we have these little peach-shaped longevity buns filled with lotus seed paste, which are to represent Peaches of Immortality... whatever that is.
Legend has it that these peaches ripen every thousands of years and whoever eats them are granted with immortality. As Sir Mix-A-Lot's video predominantly features giant peaches that are supposed to represent asses, it made sense.
Anyway. I, too, know how ridiculous this sounds, but I'm forced by my grandmother to have it every year on my birthday, so now I'm making you to learn about these as well. Plus, they look so much like little butts.
"Shake ya ass"
Cake: Japanese cotton cheesecake
Mystikal's video for "Shake Ya Ass" is the most fun. The lyrics aren't that inspiring for cake-making, but the color palettes and the giant nod to Eyes Wide Shut are perfect for such things. How could bikini clad women with masquerade masks in a sprawling mansion possibly not do that?
Japanese cotton cheesecakes are these tall, fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth cakes that are nothing like what you know about cheesecakes. And, when done right, the pillowy edible clouds jiggle when you sway them side to side.
The one I baked, unfortunately, didn't have enough jiggle for me, so I went ahead and made some jello, and yes, jiggling that was goddamn satisfying.
"See my ass and my lips, don't ya?"
Cake: Black sesame cake with honey miso buttercream
Missy is the best, and the video for this song is amazing. The cake is supposed to bring bees to mind because of that iconic opening scene where she has a hive as her backdrop and bees are swarming. Director Dave Myers confirmed back in the day that those were, in fact, live bees because Missy is a bad ass motherfucker.
Beyond that, Missy turns to a lot of other cultures for inspiration, which explains the black sesame/honey miso combination. It's not very prevalent in this video, but Missy seems to be really drawn to Japanese culture. The cake was strange but awesome, kind of like Missy herself.
"Mo' ass than the models"
Cake: Chocolate fudge cake and brownie chunks with dark chocolate frosting
Ah, peak feel-good Kanye. Few songs of his would ever be as carefree thereafter, and "Good Life" continues to be a standout in his catalog.
To live a good life, Kanye more or less suggests that, while "the best things in life are free," a hedonistic lifestyle is pretty dope, too. I'm not a very hedonistic type of person, but mine would probably nonetheless involve a lot of baked goods, pastries, and heavy breathing because of the associated heart problems.
The perfect way to live it up, in my humble opinion, is with a decadent chocolate cake, and nothing is more decadent than chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with brownie chunks stuffed between layers, washed down with a glass of champagne. (That's actually ginger ale in those champagne glasses; I borrowed that bottle of unopened Moët from my friend. I am a fraud.)
Cake: Tarte tatin cake
What a year for Tribe, and what a song about the perfect butt. I baked this not long after We Got It From Here... Thank You 4 Your Service was released and they made their SNL debut. As I type this, Phife is getting a street named after him in Queens.
So the cake: tarte tatin is a French upside-down pastry that has fruit (usually apples) layered at the bottom of the pan before the cake batter is poured overtop and flipped over after baking. So, you know, Bonita Applebum. Apple tarte tatin. Also: delicious.
"Brenda got a big ole butt"
Cake: Sweet potato cake with honey cinnamon frosting
LL Cool J's "Big Ole Butt" is probably one of the most outrageous songs in butt-loving history, and over the course of working on this project, I learned to find great pleasure in telling people as to why I chose the lyric "Brenda got a big ole butt."
You see, LL was in a relationship with this lady named Tina, and Tina had a glorious butt. LL couldn't get enough of her... that is, until he met this girl named Brenda.
One day, as he was lurking at his local high school for a teenage girl (he was 19 when he dropped the album that features "Big Ole Butt," so it's less gross than it sounds), he met this girl named Brenda, who had an even better ass than Tina. One thing led to another, and LL and Brenda hooked up. While enjoying some post-coital sweet potato pie, Tina caught him doing the dirty.
So, you'd think he'd stop at Brenda right? Well, he doesn't stop there because LL is a dog and he meets this girl named Lisa who works at Red Lobster. While "[laying Lisa] on the table, [placing his] order, and [giving] her a tip much bigger than a quarter," Brenda walks in on LL and Lisa; the big dummy forgot that Lisa worked at Red Lobster, too!
Oh, LL. When will you ever learn?