Cruel Summer: The Horrible Summer Jobs of Your Favorite Rappers

"Let’s go back, back to the Gap/Look at my check, wasn’t no scratch/So if I stole, wasn’t my fault, Yeah I stole, never got caught" - Kanye West, “Spaceship”

Speaking from experience, your average retail check is a soul-crusher. Imagine dealing with angry middle-aged women that can’t comprehend how you sold out of that one lime green XXXL tank, while their demon spawn run around knocking over clothes you spent all day folding. It’s no wonder Kanye West goes around calling himself a god. It takes a special kind of human being to work retail.

“They always want too much bread. That’s what bothered me. Please, if you go to Red Lobster, stop ordering extra bread.” – Nicki Minaj on Jay Leno

One of the most degrading occupations in America is the server. The general public treats you like shit, tips poorly, and asks absurd questions. Before Nicki Minaj was a prolific MC, she was a frustrated waitress dealing with customers who couldn't get enough cheesy garlic bread. Can't blame the customers for that, though.

“I was working at McDonalds, getting up in the morning doing that breakfast shift. I was so cold on the mothafuckin’ eggs, they called me Young Eggs mane.” - Snoop Dogg, “Story by Snoop Lion”

Imagine you’re running late for work. The drive-through line at Dunkin’ Donuts is ridiculous and the Starbucks barista that embarrassingly turned you down is giving you death stares as she makes her fifth iced non-fat caramel macchiato of the day. Needless to say, you go to McDonald's.

Depressed, you walk through the door, place your order, and patiently wait. As you start to get anxious, you suddenly see a remarkable sight. A lavish chef they mythically call Young Eggs is preparing your Egg McMuffin to perfection. Young Eggs is a culinary master. He knows the exact time to take the eggs out of the microwave, and adds an extra piece of bacon to show he cares. Young Eggs is so cold on the mothafuckin' eggs, everyone could see that he'd one day be a star.

“I remember working there my first couple of weeks in the same uniform cause I didn’t own anything prior to being hired.” - Kid Cudi on working at Bape, Hypebeast interview

Before Kid Cudi became the lonely stoner that we all know and love, he was a sales associate at BAPE, American Apparel, and Abercrombie & Fitch. In a weird way, it kind of makes sense. Just as Cudi can jump from lonely space rock to high-energy hip-hop hits, he could probably transition from A&F to Bape pretty easily.

"Yeah; to be good at bill-collecting, you have to ignore your feelings. I remember sitting there on the phone, listening to people tell me that they're losing their house, that their husband has cancer, and then I'm supposed to ask them if they have $50? I couldn't do that shit." - J. Cole, Interview Magazine

J. Cole is a divisive star to say the least. For every meme of Jermaine in a trash can or of a cat saying you can’t bring that Cole CD into the car, there are legions of fans ready to defend the Fayetteville rapper like he is the second coming of Christ. Whatever your feelings on Cole, you can’t deny his compassion. While we now know Cole for letting Nas down and inheriting Jay-Z’s original Roc-a-Fella chain, don’t forget a few years ago Cole was just a good guy helping families in trouble. If his career is any indication, his kindness paid off.

Plies, the same rapper that gave us classics like “Bust it Baby (Part II)," "Put it on Ya," and" Good Dick”went to school to become a registered nurse. That in and of itself gives me hope for humanity. While he never worked in a hospital, imagine if he did. Plies could administer your medicine and whisper sweet nothings to you like, “Let’s play hide and seek, in our underwear.”

The world would definitely be a better place if Plies could bring his special brand of off-putting sexual innuendo into the medical field.

THE BEST (AND MOST RIDICULOUS) PLIES TWEETS OF ALL TIME

"281-330-8004, hit Mike Jones up on the low 'cause Mike Jones about to blow" - Mike Jones, “Back Then”

Mike Jones is a legend. If you never tried to call his number after he famously gave it out on “Back Then,” you weren’t alive in 2005. So it makes sense that Mike Jones worked assembling Compaq phones, before we all knew his name. Now Mike Jones isn’t nearly as ubiquitous as he was in Houston’s mid-aughts takeover, but it’s still nice to know that he always had a special relationship with his cell phone.

"Construction—that was shit! I worked that when I was 17-years-old, just hauling rubble out of a ten-story building with no elevator. That was a really shitty one." - El-P, The Village Voice interview

Before El-P was running jewels with Killer Mike he was a construction worker. Out of any job on this list, being a construction worker might be the worst.

Your back gets ruined, your knees are shot, and there isn't a lot of room for growth. That’s probably why El-P has been a consistent pillar of hip-hop for the last decade. While his peers are losing steam, EL-P is hitting his creative stride. Jobs like construction can teach you more about resolve and persistence than any office 9 to 5.

"Somebody take me back to the days / Before this was a job, before I got paid / Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank / Yeah back when I was trying to get a tip at Subway - B.o.B., "Airplanes"

It makes sense that B.o.B. worked at Subway. He just seems like a Subway type of dude. He probably made the most accessible sandwiches ever. Top 40 subs, for sure.

Before Action Bronson became the culinary rap messiah, he was a Key Food stock boy. This job makes perfect sense considering he tosses out lyrical gems—"Bone marrow roasted / Spread it on the rosemary bread lightly toasted"—like they were nothing.

It isn’t hard to imagine a young Bronson overwhelmed by the sheer culinary possibilities of his surroundings, that he can’t help but kick a freestyle while stocking the dreaded cereal aisle. Even if that’s not true, Action at least carried enough boxes to throw obnoxious fuckboyz off his stage with relative ease.