It’s a shame that Teairra Mari is probably one more reality show away from the one of the saddest episodes of TV One’s Unsung. For those of us who remember her debut album or even a few random songs from her various post-Roc-A-Fella mixtapes, we know that Detroit’s feistiest has a very solid singing voice and a whole lot of presence. Unfortunately, none of that was featured on last night’s episode as Teairra looked like the recording artist equivalent of Larry Holmes in his fight with Mike Tyson.
She was warned not to mess up albeit very rudely from club promoter and wannabe scene-stealer, Sincere. Before she embarrassed herself on stage, Teairra linked with Sincere and another club promoter, Miss Diddy, about booking The Supper Club. She was quickly shut down and told the same thing Rihanna once tweeted Ciara: “Good luck with bookin that stage u speak of.”
She was then told to aim a little lower—i.e. a more “intimate” setting—and just build from that. It sounded good in theory. Bless Teairra’s big breast having heart; she looked and sounded the absolute fool. She’s got to find a vocal coach and take cues from Mathew Knowles—i.e. run in heels while singing Destiny’s Child songs.
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After that performance, Sincere hit her even harder, resulting in Teairra Mari once again going from R&B to UFC. While I don’t condone her violent outburst, I will say Sincere—who looks like a chubby Bobby Brown and wears cheetah print like a seasoned Black auntie—was doing the absolute most in an attempt to garner more screen time. He clearly studies at the Tyler Perry School of Acting.
Speaking of Madea-made tragedies, Lil’ Fizz has really got to let Amanda go. One can understand the desire to find his child a motherly influence given that his baby mama, Moniece, still can’t be within 50 feet of him on most occasions, but most 25-year-old women are not trying to play stepmom. Especially a woman who has already cheated on Fizz and even went so far as to get another man an apartment in her name. Fizz isn’t being completely honest with himself, either. Yes, he’s bothered by the cheating, but he’s so desperate for someone to help him raise his son that he’d probably record Amanda having sex with that dude from Miami so long as she was willing to buy his son’s shoes, take him to school, and cook their meals.
Amanda, just tell Fizz you would rather be with a man who doesn't want you to nurse his kids.
Fizz, do yourself a world of good and use your newfound relevance courtesy of reality TV to book as many club appearances as humanly possibly so you can afford a nanny.
Other clueless cast members of this show, Nikki and Masika, once again had a pow wow over Mally Mal. Masika was tapped to appear on a billboard for a new strip club. However, she wanted to make one thing very, very clear: She has never stripped. You see, she will appear naked on a billboard to help promote a strip club as a “model,” but she has never, ever stripped. This is as useless as saying I will jerk a man off, but I won’t dare put my mouth on it. Whatever makes you feel better, Masika.
the only Norwood we acknowledge is Brandy.
Meanwhile, the club Masika is now the face of is sitting on property owned by Nikki’s family. That revelation brought on a meeting of the mindless. Yeah, y’all, when it comes to Barbie Kardashian vs. Negro League Janice Dickinson, we all lose. I will say Nikki is the more clueless of the two. Like, how many clear examples of cheating does she need to see before believing it. That said, Masika, I highly doubt the daughter of the person who owns the property you work in would be jealous of you being on a billboard. There’s wealth and then there’s hood rich and faux-fame.
In any event, Nikki and her mom did eventually confront Mally Mal, who only ended up walking out instead of taking ownership of his actions. Nikki, Nikki, Nikki: You seem to have been born into wealth. Why are you fighting over a wack man on VH1? You have money. Why aren’t you acting an ass on Bravo? Aim higher, beloved.
And then there is Ray J, who threw a fit over his assistant, Morgan, doing side work as a celebrity correspondent at a radio concert. Ray J was vexed—vexed, I say—over Morgan not being at his side to hand him a bottle of water, leaving him devastated and thirsty. In turn, Ray J essentially fired her, leaving Morgan in tears ‘cause she thought they were better than that. Listen, Morgan, if you’ve been assisting Brandy’s brother for 10 years, you should not assume he anticipated you having aspirations. This is why the only Norwood we acknowledge is Brandy.
These people wear me out, but until next episode, y’all.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
