When we last left Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, Karlie Redd posed a very important question to real estate agent, chauffeur, tax lady, stylist, bae-leecher, and God knows what else, Khadiyah: “Are you fucking my man?”
She smugly repeated the question in an unnecessarily pretentious way, only to go on and answer: “I absolutely am…every night.” In turn, Karlie Redd yelled out “Bitch” and swung her purse at her head. Karlie, Karlie, Karlie: Have you learned nothing from Chrissy Lampkin’s now infamous sucker punch on Kimbella? If you’re going to swing, don’t announce the shit. You play it cool and when you at least expect—Boom! Splat! Kablooey!—you sucker punch the hell out of that heifer.
I mean, violence is never the answer, or whatever, but I’m just saying—if you’re going to do it, do it right. Khadiyah stormed Karlie like Simba did Scar and even when security rushed to break up the fight, Khadiyah jumped on security’s back to get at Karlie Redd’s weave. If nothing else, Karlie Redd won the war of words by telling Yung Joc’s second regular lay, “I hope my pussy taste good tonight.”
Later in the episode, Yung Joc found Karlie Redd at happy hour with Erica and Rasheeda, who seem to only now have secondary roles on the show. There, while Karlie Redd did the ugly cry, Joc acknowledged his wrongdoing—pretty much becoming the most decent man in this show’s history despite being an admitted cheater. Joc admitted to his insecurities and how it spurred a wayward dick and asked if he and Karlie could work on their “friendship.”
To be fair, in his own inarticulate way, Lil’ Scrappy tried to flex some emotional maturity, too. While walking out with Bambi, he flat out told her, “I love the Bam, I’m just not in love with the Bam.” And what does she say? “You have a problem understanding your feelings.” Scrappy informs her that he understands his feelings just fine. This is the part where the Bambi should’ve told Scrappy, “Best wishes, n***a” and went on about her way.
Instead, she took a swing at Scrappy’s special friend who wants to screw him, Erica P. In her defense, you don’t go to up to someone you don’t know at a party and say about their miscarriage, “I’m sorry to hear everything that happened.” Even if you’re being 37 percent sincere, you want to take the woman’s man, so how about you keep that to sentiment to yourself.
For the record, Karlie, that’s how you sucker punch someone. Not to be outdone, while Erica P. huffed, puffed, and kicked the air like a mad woman, the Bambi just stood there calmly and asked the DJ to turn the music up. They’ll be fighting next week, but at the moment, the Bam is chilling. She still needs to go find a man that’s actually as into her as she’s into him, though. God bless those who try to force feelings on others. I’ve been there, the Bambi, but you gotta let that die like Bambi’s mama. Wait, I’m sad now.
Let’s move on to Joseline. So, Joseline has no friends on the show, which isn’t all that shocking when you consider that Joseline is mean and insecure. She’s sort of like a Puerto Rican NeNe Leakes in that she, too, suffers from a classic case of “I hate me so much so I could never really like you” syndrome. As in, she may give you a little compliment here and there, but you’ll soon forget it as she’ll throw jab after jab at you since she can’t bear not to feel like the baddest chick in all the land for even a millisecond.
New cast member Tammy quickly noticed this after linking with her. While trying to style her for a Hip Hop Weekly shoot, Tammy was blindsided by a bunch of a side comments from Joseline about her not having an engagement ring yet; about her size; about her style. Joseline, not everyone can rock prostitute couture like you. It’s okay to embrace other people’s tastes.
And Puerto Rican Princess, bless your heart, but you can’t call anyone dumb if you don’t know how long a century is. I mean, as you noted, you didn’t finish high school, but umm, I feel like I knew how long a century was by at least the second day of second grade.
Speaking of people who need to shut up about shit that applies to them, I could’ve done without Mimi and Dawn joining together to try and take Joseline and Stevie down over a fake marriage no one is taking seriously anyway. Seriously, Mimi, you’re going to Benzino to print a retraction as if Hip Hop Weekly’s journalistic reputation will suffer without one. You also lose for saying, “You know Media Take Out loves me right now, right.”
And when your day of reckoning comes over the truth about your “leaked” porn, Joseline is going to do the money dance all over your face. May that day come sooner than later, bad actress.
Finally, in other "you could do better with your life" storylines, Rasheeda, while I understand you wanting to go after Kirk’s choice of nanny who lets him nut in her from time to time, you ought to be checking your husband first. This woman said, “You know these lil’ young hoes don’t got no morals.” Neither does your husband, lady. Oh, and she also said “When you fucking with someone’s marriage. This some grown woman shit.” Eh. Grown woman shit would be filing for divorce.
Any day now, Rasheeda.
Until next time, kids.
P.S. Stevie J wins for dismissing Dawn and Mimi as ROSE AND BLANCHE FROM THE GOLDEN GIRLS.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
